A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am asking this question on behalf of my Mum because she cannot use a computer. My sister is 32 years old and has disowned my Mum because she is "embarrassing because she is poor". My mum works so hard to make ends meet, bought her first house last year and goes without for us kids. (myself and my brother) . Now my sister lives with her boyfriend (now fiance) whom she has been with for some 2 and a half years now. Mum has never met the boyfriend and when she asked why, she was told it was because she wears old rags for clothes, is poor and lives in a down and out neighbourhood. Therfore she is 'embarrassing' those are my sister's words. My Mum is having difficulty sleeping and is always crying because the daughter who she carried for 9 mths, gave birth to, gave up her young adulthood for (she was 20) has now turned on her and stabbed her in the back. I have told her that my sister will need Mum before Mum needs her. If you could say something to my Mum, what would you say? Have you been in a situation like this? Any words of advice for her? She's going through such a tough time and I want her to know that it isn't her fault. Poverty is not a crime.
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 As a kid who grew up in a home where I was reminded that I was not wanted, I know what a "bad" parent is. Your mother is not a bad parent and should be honored and respected for providing a home and security for her children.
I suspect your sister is not embarrassed by your mother, she is embarrassed about herself. Her boyfriend is probably wealthy and she wants him to believe she comes from a wealthy background, too. She has to disown her family to keep up the facade. She is hiding her true self and can't be around people who may "out" her. This is really, really sad for her as a 32 year old woman because she should realize that your mum did the best she could with what she had. She's going to regret her actions.
My advice: love your daughter, forgive her for her foolishness, and focus on raising the kids you have at home. The older daughter is an adult and will have to live with the consequences of her actions. Your other kids need, love and respect you; don't allow your older child to take your energy and attention away from them. Know that you are a good parent and you have done right by your kids.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (28 December 2009):
This is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. What on earth is your sister thinking? I think this calls for a family meeting where everyone present takes your mother's side to show your sister the consequences of her behaviour. In the meantime, just continue to be there for your mum. As parents when we have children, they are not really ours. They are just with us on loan and once they grow up they start to make decisions we never raised them to make. She must not blame herself. But she must let her daughter know that no matter what, she will always love her. Imagine how mothers of thieves, murderers and even rapists feel? Imagine carrying your baby for all those months, caring for him, teaching him morality and values, only for him to rape a little girl or rob an old lady at gunpoint? Sometimes even beating or robbing their own mother? Your mother cannot blame herself. But you should all agree to cut your sister out of your lives until she starts to show some respect. If she is concerned about her mother's clothes why doesnt she take her shopping? What sad story
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