A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I wanted to get some advice because my relationship seems to be going into meltdown at the moment. My girlfriend and I have dated a for nearly 2 years over the last 3, (we broke up after a year and got back together again last year). The problem being that over the last few months, multiple times when I’ve asked her to come visit me at the weekend (I’m at uni) she’s cancelled on me because she says that she has to do some things at home. Then I got back for the holidays hoping to get to finally get to spend lots of time with her, and she cancelled on me 3 times in a week, this aggravated me mainly because due to sharing a car with my brother, in order to have the car to go see her I have to take him to work at 7am. She then cancelled on me at 10am on each of those days meaning I’m unable to do anything the rest of the day and have got up for nothing. Every time it’s the same reason; that she needs to do things at home, and unless I ask to see her she never invites me anywhere and I was getting a bit fed up of her not putting in any effort to see me.After the 3rd time I replied to her text saying ‘fine whatever, X’, I didn’t hear anything for another 3 days and got more stressed about it so sent her another message saying that I felt I would never see her if I didn’t keep asking her and that I didn’t think she seemed that bothered about talking to/seeing me. That was Monday and she still won’t talk to me and I’ve tried every way possible, Ive left a phone message asking for her to call me so we can talk about it, messages online and she just won’t reply to anything. I just don’t know what to do, I just want to try and see if we can fix things and talk it through but she won’t even contact me. Does anyone have any idea if there is anything else I could try?All I want is to spend time with the person I love over the holidays.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): The main thing that confuses me the most is that in the past as hard as it sometimes is to organize her to come, when we are together its perfect and she shows that she really loves me. And it was fine and like that the last time I saw her a week ago. I know she does have things to do at home, so she's not hiding anything, she's just really unorganized with time management , which is why i get frustrated. I guess the onlything i can do is wait it out, ill think about the letter, but I just feel like its me putting in all the effort, Its just in my nature to keep trying to fix it. If you have any other thoughts please feel free.
A
male
reader, Andrew83 +, writes (8 January 2009):
 I'm with sandra here plus i would advise you to move on, she doesnt seem bothered to reply at all to anything you've sent her which could also mean she may be hiding something or someone, remember she cancelled for the same reason each time, wouldnt cone see you at uni and wont let you go see her so now your left with - hold on and see what happens or hold on for a week or 2 and if the same, let go and move on.i wish you the best of luck man and please update us on how it goes.
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A
female
reader, sandra78  +, writes (8 January 2009):
Wow.. I would really hate to say this, because you seem like a very nice guy, but it sounds like she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know from personal experience that usually when a girl avoids a guy, we're postponing a break up. It sounds like you a maybe a little sincitive, and she's trying to send the "red flags" to begin to prepare you. It also seems that she may be trying to make you mad, so you will "blow up" in an argument.. Then the break up is your fault. Or so it seems. I think maybe you should not call her or text or leave messages for a few days. See if she comes around. If she is ready for a possible break up, she will probably call you in a few days. Be strong. It may seem like the end of the world, but you'll be fine. Whatever the reason is that she is avoiding you, calling too much will only make things worse. She knows that you wanna talk to her. When she's ready, she will call. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Your problem sounds extremely frustrating. This probably isn't the answer you want to hear, but to be honest it doesn't sound too good. Her reasons for cancelling on you aren't even good excuses. If you are going completely out of your way to spend time with her then she atleast owes you a good, in depth reason of why she would have to cancel. I definately applaud you though for going through that much to spend time with your girlfriend. Most guys wouldn't put forth that much effort.I'll give you the bad news first. It could be that her feelings have changed and maybe she just isn't that into a comitted relationship right now. When you have been dating someone a long time, you care about them, naturally. She might just not know how to tell you this, because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings and is avoiding it altogether. Now the better news. This could have absolutely nothing to do with you. There could be something she is going through or having to deal with that maybe she just doesn't want to talk about. Some people tend to shut down during times of stress and they deal with it by shutting themselves in and bottling things up. My best advice would be to send her a letter. Whether by mail, email, text or whatever, just send her an in depth note letting her know EXACTLY how you feel. Tell her how much you care about her and that if something is going on in her life, you are there for her. Also tell her though, that it is unfair to keep you in the dark and blow you off like she is. Explain that she is hurting you by doing this and that if she is no longer happy in the relationship (which might not even be the case but you should throw it out there so she knows how you feel) she needs to let you know.If you don't hear back from her within a few weeks of sending your letter I think you should move on. You deserve someone who will give you the time of day, and if she won't then it is a waste of your time.Best of luck!!!!
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