A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is currently pregnant. This will be her second child, this is my first baby. She suffers from bouts of depression here and there, and I talk to her and try to lift her spirits as best I can.My concern is her eating, or, at times, lack thereof. She is very concerned about gaining weight. She feels ugly and fat, more times than others, and will even avoid eating when she needs to eat. I encourage her to at least eat fruits and food with non-processed sugar, but she stills feels guilty at times. I really am attracted to her and we do have intimacy frequently, but she still cries afterwards (a few times it has happened) because she feels fat and ugly. There are many times that she says that her gaining weight is well worth it because there is a beautiful baby on the way, but she then reverts back to her depression.I sometimes don't know how else to cheer her up and motivate her to eat and I get so worried that she will go to the extremes and start starving herself because of her unstable emotions. Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 April 2012):
 If she's prone to depression, pregnancy hormones can really trigger that. Those hormones can really mess with her emotions. If you can afford it, a psychologist is definitely a good idea.
Things you can do to help include reassuring her. Say something like, that when she gains weight you will find her even more beautiful and attractive because nothing is more beautiful than a woman carrying your own child. And make sure you say it often.
A
female
reader, mbrink +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I know what ur girlfriend is going through i went through this stage when i was pregnant. she really needs to talk to her doctor about this because depression is a serious risk to her pregnancy and to her. And maybe she does not realize that she is depressed. i know i didnt my husband at the time was the one who pointed it out to me and my doctor. And get family and friends to talk to her about it. because she needs help for her and the baby. just keep showing her u care and love her once she gets help she will understand ur concern for her and let her see how much u really care for her. Good luck with everything.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Hey pal. Yeah advise your lady to see a professional. Keep encouraging her. Not eating can also store fat because blood sugar and insulin levels drop significantly. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 You have to drill it into her that no matter how much weight she gains, you'll still find her attractive and always love her. She fears rejection because of appearance issues and has to be made to feel secure and appreciated. That apart, a counsellor is a must for her at this stage.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I work in this field and I can tell you that she needs to see a midwife or doctor who deals specifically with this problem. She needs someone to unravel why she is feeling so low and to equip her with coping mechanisms. Unless she stops eating entirely, the baby will be ok, but it is her who will suffer.
The next time she goes for antenatal care, go with her and ask her to let the HCP (healthcare professional) know what is going on with her. They will keep a check on the baby's growth and should spot any potential problems, but they cannot know everything unless you tell them.
It is possible for her to take anti depressants whilst pregnant but you need advice as to which are safe in pregnancy. You cannot deal with this on your own, but you can be loving and supportive (which I can see you have been all along).
Let us know how you get on.
AE x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Your girlfriend is in need of professional help. The best thing you can do for her is to get her this help; even if you have to organise it and take her there. She sounds as though she could be suffering from Prenatal Depression, which you need to take very serious. You won't be able to help her, but you'll be able to get her the help that she needs. Go and see her doctor, and tell him/her of your concerns. Get your family and friends involved, so that there as many people as possible keeping an eye on her. Please act now. All the very best.
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