A
female
age
51-59,
*isty1964
writes:I have reached the end of my tether with my partners children.My partners 9 year old son and his 21 year old step daughter live in Northern Ireland and visit during school holidays and for long weekends. In short they are horrible to me, and my partner always supports them. On their last visit the little boy told my partner that I hit him, which of course I did not. His sister was in the room at the time the incident was supposed to have taken place and she told my partner she had witnessed it.I was furious at such a damaging lie being told about me and ended up walking out. I felt that I should have been given the opportunty to talk through why they had made this story up and now feel that my relationship is never going to recover.Whilst this is probably the worst thing they have done it is not an isolated incident. I can understand my partner's son being in turmoil, even though he has never known his parents to be a couple, but I do not understand the behaviour of my partners 21 year old step daughter. I am naturally a calm person and have shown nothing but kindness and love to these children, but feel that I have received no acknowledgement or respect for being so patient. Am I being unreasonable and should I just put up with it or are these people simply horrible? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): /tellulah is so right. I also have step kids, the daughter is a real bitch and does all she can to get to me, but doesnt succeed. his son is ok, but you have to remember they are kids. they had a mum and dad and would love their parents to be together today but they aren't. They are his kids and not yours, one day they will be gone, left home and living away. My kids are great, thank god, but this is part of life today. Just laugh it off and make the most of the time that you and your bloke have together, dont let them spoil it for you. Most kids have a parent in the background tainting things, dont worry, you are not alone. If only our new partners didnt have kids, but heyho, they do. life!!!
take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Me too I know about this. I suggest that you show your partner your question here on this message board. I personally would remove myself in a dignified manner when the children come to stay. Some counselling for you both would be a really good idea. It would be great if your partner could support you by letting you know that he believes you when you said you did not hit the son. He should not be asking his daughter to confirm your behaviour as a witness. It is like you are being judged in court and thoroughly put in your place. He may need some help to decide how to react if they say those sorts of things again.
You might point out that he should consider the likelihood of you being violent from everything she knows about you. It would be more healthy for the kids sake if he did believe you in fact. Your relationship should be an examplke from which they take strength in a couple's feelings and respect for each other. Don't be alone with them in future. It seems so ridiculous. My brother faught against this type of behaviour using his lunatic humour. Each time the children were horrible to him he would collect them from school in a worse hat. A rainbow bobble hat on really bad days. Another it was one of those hats with furry flaps and he wore goggles.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Hi,
I know exactly where you are coming from and your right its hell.
My partner also has two children, one of them is lovely and used to be my Saturday girl. The other is a boy who aparantly hates me, wishes me dead, and wants to set me on fire. He is 17 bless him.
I think you can tell by my tone that i ignore it all. It was hard at first, and I used to cry and get upset. But now its like water off a ducks back. The girl even turned against me at one point and that did get to me. But she lives in london and we rarely see her. When we do she is polite to me and thats all I want from her. I think in time it will get better.
Also dont forget they are kids and you can bet your life the mother will be in the background, poisoning them along the way. Just ignore it all. Dont whatever you do excpect your partner to side with you, HE WONT. Not because he doesnt believe you, but its a guilt thing and if he only see's them in the Holiday it will be worse.
Just try to bide your time and I am sure things will improve. Lets hope so anyway for all our sake's eh !
Best wishes X
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Hi, sorry that you have to put up with that.They have probably lied to get you in bad books with their father.Calmy sit your partner down and tell him what really happened and explain to him that you would neve hurt his children as they are like your own and you know how much they mean to you. After you have told him everything tell him that it is up to him to decided who he wants to believe and at some time the truth is bound to come out.Hang in there, if you and your partner are meant to be then he would see the truth and that you are not lying.Dont let this come between you and your partner as it is evident that is what the kids want.Give him some time to figure out what has really happened. Speak to him and then see what you would like to do.
Good Luck,mail me if you wanna talk
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