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male
,
anonymous
writes: I'VE been living with my ' partner Kath for four years and she's the love of my life. We got together a year after her husband walked out on her and their 18-month-old son. Danny is now seven and considers me his dad.At first my family were dead against our relationship because Kath is a lot older than me. I'm 29 now and she's 42. But they've all come round as they've seen how happy we are. On Kath's birthday last month I took her out for a meal and asked her to marry me. I was shocked when she said No.We talked about it a lot and she says she saw no need to change things. But later she admitted she was worried about our age difference and that if we married I'd eventually feel trapped. I know that won't happen and I'm hurt that she won't be my wife.Andrew
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 Dont be hurt by what you see is her rejection of you. I do not think she is refusing to marry you for some sinister reason. I don't even think it is anything to do with the age difference to be honest! I think this is all to do with how badly hurt she has been by her ex-husband. Remember, he made vows to her and she was obviously secure in their relationship. Then *bang* out of the blue he walks away and leaves her wondering what went wrong.
Maybe she sees the commitment of marriage as the trigger that started the process of being left last time. Or maybe she thinks getting married will jinx what has been a successful and loving relationship up to now.
If she feels you may feel 'trapped' later you have to assure her that you wont. It may take some time....remember she has been badly hurt before. Who knows with perserverence you may wear her down (lol).
Tell her how much you love her and want to be a true family. Tell her you will never deliberately hurt her or the child. And I hope at some point she grants your wish.
Good luck honey.
xxx
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