A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, sorry if this seems a bit long but here I go. I've been with my partner for 4 years now, we're in a loving relationship, lifes been good, however, the sex part's worrying me. It's not that we're having too much or too little sex, it's that he wants to try some of the sex positions and sex featured in Fifty shades of Grey.I'm a little bit wary, as it's a bit too kinky for my liking, but he struggles to accept that. That said, I have no sexual fetishes really - unless you count a loving relationship as one - my only real desire during sex is for it to be respectful of the other's needs, and in a caring relationship, not just some easy lay or cheap tacky relationship.How should I handle this issue, and what would you do in my situation? Looking for some advice, thanks!! S-J xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): "my only real desire during sex is for it to be respectful of the other's needs, and in a caring relationship, not just some easy lay or cheap tacky relationship."
Being together 4 years kind of meets all those requirements doesn't it?
Why not try to find a middle ground OP? Have a look around for some new positions and new things you would feel comfortable doing.
It basically sounds like you're just happy having sex and aren't interested in trying new things and he does want to try new things. There is probably a middle ground you can reach here.
It's not slutty or degrading to vary your sex life a little but of course it has to be something you want to try or don't mind doing.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (6 July 2012):
Maybe its his way of getting you more involved? If you are an active participant in your lovemaking then trying different positions should come naturally and I would be surprised he thought of this idea.
I don't know the 50 shades thing though. .... ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 July 2012):
 Why don't YOU make the picks of what you two can try, honestly after 4 years you need to lighting up and have fun with your BF and sex. IMHO.
But if something totally crosses the lines for you, then find a "milder" version or try something else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): 50 Shades of Grey: plse give me more info. Haven't watched the movie/read the book so I'm clueless.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I agree that trying something you don't want to do is not a good idea.
BUT I also think you are being a bit rigid in your thinking.
many loving respectful committed couples have adventurous love lives in private...
I'm not sure what positions you are referring to as I have not read the book
but if it's just positions then I'm not sure why you view them as kinky.
Like the saying go... using a feather is erotic... using the whole chicken is kinky...
so if he's saying lets have anal sex... yeah I can see why that's a no no for many women
but if you only have sex in the missionary position and he's saying, can we try doggy style or you on top... that's reasonable sounding to me.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 HI
I would not doing anything that your uncomfortable with. If its not right for you you should not be made to feel pressured. Trying new things in a relationship has to be what you BOTH want. If you want to try however, tell him what your willing to try and if his not happy with this then maybe he should move on and find someone else to fullfill his sexual desires. your his partner not a sex toy.
Mandy x
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