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female
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anonymous
writes: Help me, I have been with my partner 4 1/2 years now, the problem is he doesn't excite me in any way or show encouragement when I try to better myself. A while ago I tried to give up smoking, he is a non-smoker so I thought he would want to help me but he didn't. I also get no encouragement when trying to loose weight. I have recently met someone else, although we are only friends, he makes me laugh and is encouraging me on the weight loss by offering to walk to work with me instead of catching the bus, he is also a smoker who is trying to quit. Should I persue this man or stay with my partner who I have a young child to? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (15 July 2006):
 Sounds like the two of you are taking each other for granted somewhat. Can you book a weekend away somewhere and try to get some romance back into your lives? Do you want to split up with your long term partner? If you do and you are using this other guy as an excuse to do it then do not regrte it when it all comes crashing down.
The seven year itch starts early sometimes. Only you can answer the question of whether you want to havE *A GO* WITH THE NEW BLOKE OR TRY TO FIX YOUR LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (14 July 2006):
 Something similar happened to me when I met my now boyfriend. I already had a relationship with my ex and was happy until I met my boyfriend now. When I saw how much fun I could have with someone, when I saw how happy he made me, I realised how unhappy and bored I was with my boyfriend at the time. I had no ties like kids, though, which does make the decision a little more difficult for you.
However, you must think about your happiness. I left my boyfriend for the man I'd met, although it did take a while to get the courage to do so. It was the best decision I've ever made and we're still very happy a year on.
I would advise you to take it slow, though. When we meet someone new, we can get caught up in the moment and make rash decisions that we later regret. Spend more time with both of them and try and work out who you want. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): You have been with your partner for four and a half years; how many of those years were "good" ones?
A committed relationship; be it common-law or married, will one day get to a point where that is all that is holding you together. Couples who have pushed on and overcome this time period, live a very fulfilled life with the one they love. Do you really want to give that up?
So what happens four and a half years, you and the other dude you are attracted to get to the same point?
I think that when one honestly believes they are being under appreciated and that their sense of worth and value are attacked; they will be in the place you are-full of doubts and hoping someone else will bring them happiness.
True happiness has to be with you and within yourself. Yes, the world and the obstacles are relentless so coming home should be haven; a place to feel loved, cherished, valued. I understand and I agree.
When the one you love starts to hurt you; tell them.
I think that if you want to solve a problem, you have to address it first. And this needs to be done with your partner. If he can not listen or isn't willing to talk; then (I say this alot) seek counselling.
Families first.
I hope you the best; from one mother to another.
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