A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I sincerely hope you can help as i do not know if i am right to be concerned here....my partners brother in law keeps 'coming on to her' he has once grabbed her and kissed her and on another occasion entered her bedroom while she was alone in the house and made suggestive comments....she does not want to upset the status quo of the family and is only mildly concerned by what is going on....I think she is being crassly naive, and the warning bells of what could happen are already ringing, she refuses to speak to her sister about this and her mum just puts it down 'to the drink' Do you think i am being over possesive here or is my concern founded? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Have a talk with him if she won't do it herself. I am surprised she thinks it's not a big deal though, that is her sister's husband. She should be very concerned unless, she does like it. You need to tell him that you know what is going on and that if it happens again you will go to his wife and tell her how he's been behaving. I'm sure that will stop his advances. If my sister's husband were making advances on me, I would tell him that if it happens again I will tell my sister. Since she doesn't say anything it seems odd to me. Maybe you need to be concerned as to why she doesn't think it's that big of a deal.
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 You are not being over possessive. I would be concerned too.
You can tell her that by accepting his behavior, she is agreeing (passively) that it's okay to treat her (and her sister) this way. He won't change what he's doing unless she takes steps to stop it.
You might say to her:
"Okay, for the sake of argument, lets reverse things here. If *I* were doing to your sister the same things that he is doing to you, what would you want your sister to do?"
Then wait to see what she says. I'll bet she would want to know. She'll have to be fair, and do what she'd want done if everything were reversed.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (30 August 2007):
 She's old enough to realize his behavior isn't normal and she's also old enough to stand up for herself regardless of the family quo. Usually by this age, men and women no longer live to please their families because they've lived on their own, have had relationships and no longer worry about what their parents think. Are you sure she doesn't sort of enjoy his advances? I'm guessing she does, otherwise she'd put him in his place. She is no longer a little girl.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I think you have every right to be concerned - very concerned! I understand that she doesn't wish to upset the apple cart by revealing what is going on but b-in law has over-stepped the mark as his behaviour is sexual harrassment bordering on sexual assault. If a grown man is that incapable of controlling himself then he is potentially dangerous. You don't need to scare her, but perhaps you ought to have a word with him - he maybe getting a thrill out of the secretive nature of his behaviour and if he is aware that you know about it then it may put a stop to it. If that fails, she really needs to speak to her sister because if he is making a pass at her then he maybe doing it to other women. This would not only be a relationship issue, but potentially a health problem for her sister if he is sexually active outside the marriage.
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