A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 year old who had a boyfriend before who's older than me his 40, and married already.Were 1 year and 1 month already,he had a wife but they are not staying anymore because of some misunderstanding and he don't have a plan to be together with his wife again. And we have already planned to stop our relationship because my parents know about it already and other people in ours also. When were still together we really keep our relationship with each other until time comes that my parents know everything about us already were just neighbor with my ex boyfriend and they were so close with my father and my cousins also but some of my cousins know about our relationship already. And now that my parents know about us they were so angry with me and to my ex, they told me to leave the guy and i already did it. And now his gone with me already i love him so much and he loves me also.I don't want to lose him everytime i remember him my tears falls down and feel so sad. What shall i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Stay where you are at the moment- if he really loves you he will wait for you. You are very young- do the things that you have to do at this age- finish your school and go to college. Try to do what is best for you. You have a responsibility towards yourself to look after yourself and for your future. You have to have a plan B for the case your relationship with him doesn't work out. I am not saying it will not, but you have to be prepared for all circumstances. Take a break from him as your parents want you to, and then if it lasts you can get back together after you are 18. Don't rush things- the world will not be over just because you haven't seen each other for 6 months or a year, but it might as well be over if you miss your chance to graduate from school. Learn to prioritize and have always your future good in mind- it is never good to trust someone completely and trust that they will love you completely- this leaves you weak and vulnerable. Work on your strength, so you have source of strength for yourself and don't rely on others to give it to you. If it is meant to be then it will last even after a longer break- if not you will at least have other options to choose from. Try to move on mentally- looking to the past is not a good way to live.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Learn from this mistake, dust yourself off, stand up and move forward... you need to date boys your own age, not you fathers age... you're doing yourself emotional damage by dating someone so old.
You have to grow up at a pace that is natural, and not try to jump fomr 16 to 40... girls who do that have been seriously damaged when the relationship is over, and often can not enter into other relationships as their perspective is so distorted that they can not find happyness. Years later it's tragic, but when they were 16 they thought that it was wonderful, as they'd found a man who thought that they were 'mature beyond their years'.
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A
female
reader, LallaZine  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Please do not cry or get upset about this. I understand that you must feel heartbroken especially because your parents and family are angry. In an ideal world, you might want everyone to get along and be fine with each other right? But this is a complicated situation mainly because this guy is 40 and you are 16. If he had been your age, your family and parents would probably have been more understanding and in time they may have liked him.
The issue here is the age gap. Is this your first love? Are you drawn towards him because he's a lot older? You see, it is difficult for me to answer your question, as I cannot get my head around it. If you have been with him for over a year, that means you got together when you were 15. I'm sorry but that is wrong. Not wrong on your part, but on his. I dont want to sound like your parents, but I can understand why they must be worried. Most people would say that he has taken advantage of you and I know that's not what you want to hear. It is illegal. You are a young girl and you have your life ahead of you. Please do not risk losing good relationships with your family and parents, it is not worth it.
It would be very wise, although I know it is hard, to try to move on. I know that people are not objects and you can't forget about someone overnight, but there are lots of guys your own age who you could date. Think very carefully about this. Think about the man's wife and how she would feel. How would you feel if your husband was seeing a 16yr old girl behind your back? What would you think of him?
Please see it from everyone elses point of view. There may be more to this, maybe this guy replaces something that you feel is missing - there is so much more to life and you have dignity and respect to think about. Please think carefully. Contact me if you want to talk.
LallaZine
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