A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiHope you can give me some advice on something I have no idea about! In my past I have had 3 very bad relationships. A lot of this was down to the fact they had money. Money never interested me, I just want to be happy, but my parents want me to find someone financially stable.4 months ago I met a wonderful man, he is kind, caring, respectful and adores me as I do him. I have never felt closer to anyone before. He "gets me". We have discussed the future, and I have told him my ambitions and that I want a family and my own home. He is all for it. He has an okish job, but wanting to better himself.However, he has 2 children. This really doesn't bother me as I love kids and I work with them. However, my parents disapprove, they haven't met him and won't. This is really upsettimg me. I have told them I am old enough to make my own decisions and they should support me.But basically, what I want to know, is potentially I could become a part of these childrens lives. I have no idea what I am letting myself in for. I have found happiness with this man, and people have said when you find happyness, you should never let it go but everyone is telling me to run!Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you x
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ambition, I work with, money, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Thank you all so so much for your advice. It really is very appreciated. X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Thank you! That's what I feel like saying sometimes!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Follow your heart, if you are happy with this man then everyone else can bugger off!!!
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (7 November 2011):
Who cares if your parents disapprove over something that ultimately is none of their business? Him having kids does not make him any less "good" for you.
You are in your 30s. You need to take control of your life and make decisions for YOU. What else are you going to do? Keep waiting until you find a guy who your parents approve first? You are not a girl, you are a woman. You have found a guy who "gets you" - keep him.
Stand up for yourself and put your parents in their place. They want you to be happy, but they need to remember what the important things are in life. All they should be concerned about is... will this guy love you and want to make you happy. Anything else has nothing to do with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Hi there!
I think the important question here is: why do your friends and parents disapprove of this man?
Is is simply prejudice, or a negative reaction to change? If so, you may just need to be patient. Sometimes it takes parents a while to come around to the idea of a new partner. When I started dating my fiance, my parents (who still think I am 12) decided on the basis of the fact that he's 5 years older than me that he must be a predatory older man! They find change VERY difficult, and so it took them a year to meet him. It's only recently that they've admitted that they prejudged him and that he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Perhaps the same is true of your folks - maybe they just need time to get used to the idea of him?
However, what you say about money rings a very faint, far away alarm bell for me. If there are concerns, for instance that this man may be using you financially, perhaps it might be wise to take a step back and reevaluate the situation? Your parents care about you - they may not always 'get' you, and they might not always understand your situation correctly - but what they are saying comes from the fact that they love you to bits and don't want you to get hurt. Therefore, it's worth listening to their advice, though that doesn't mean that you necessarily have to take it on board.
As for your concerns about parenting - I think everyone who's been in your situation shares them! However wonderful you are with kids at work (and I'm sure you're terrific wiht them), when you haven't been a parent, taking on that full responsibility for another life can seem like a terrifying prospect. However, your experience working with kids counts for a lot, and I think you'll find, once you get to know these children, that you actually know what you're doing far more than you think!
Finally, good on yer for being ambitious. I have no doubt you'll have a lovely home and beautiful family. Aim for the stars, gal!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): if you're happy just go for it!
good luck XX
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