A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend committed suicide two days ago and in her note, she said it's because she was in love with me but she knew I came from a Christian family and she didn't want to create a rift between my parents and I. So she kept quiet about even being a lesbian. I'm thoroughly shocked, depressed, and guilt-ridden. She's been my best friend since we were fifteen and she's changed so much about me. Before I met her, I started questioning my Christian background and after I met her, she helped me to see that there's more to life than just praying and attending church every Sunday. And I did love her back, but like a sister.I just have no idea what to do right now. My parents found out about her note and almost kicked me out of the house because they thought I had sexual relations with her. They've told me they're happy another f*g is gone from the world and I simply could not believe my ears! They absolutely adored her before this whole thing! They considered her a second daughter! She had some of the highest grades in our graduating class and was even nominated Homecoming queen in our senior year. She had so many friends and her family was extremely supportive of her and her sexual orientation.At this point, I'm caught between wanting to hate my parents for thinking and saying what they did and said and being completely messed up about my best friend's recent death. How do I handle all of this?
View related questions:
best friend, christian, depressed, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): Hon, I'm really sorry your parents didn't believe you. All I can say is they said it out of fear, but the damage is done. Now they have to rebuild back your trust, and I can understand if you turn to friends or other adults to help you get through this. Maybe you could write them a letter to tell them how they let you down. (and Christ also) xoxo
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): I've been to church a lot. But I've never heard the passage in the new testament where Jesus says "Death to fags! I'm here to save everyone exept them!"
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 April 2009):
Unfortunately we live in a free world.
If they want to believe that a big sky man wants them to be miserable, and he sent his son down to spread peace and love (but only to white middle class straight people) then that is their choice.
Jesus hung out with prostitutes, lepers, tax collectors, and yet people think he would have hated gay people???? I mean he was a pretty cool party loving guy as far as I could see. He used the power of GOD to perform a miracle, just to get a bride pissed on her wedding night!
Your parents can have a shit life and be closed minded and horrible if they want to.
But you have seen their way of life, and if you can see how awful, hypocritical and twisted it is, then even though you have to respect their choice to be wrong in the most idiotic way, YOU have a choice to move out when you get old enough and never go back.
As soon as you can go to uni, or get a place of your own then go. Go and tell them you love them and are grateful for everything they have done for you, but you have to live your own life and find your own path.
If they threaten you with anything then tell them to go and read the bible, especially the prodigal son and ALL the bits that say Judge Not.
In a way, their actions over your friend (although it may be unforgivable on a personal level) may have saved you from a life doing what they want because you see that you can never be like them.
I'm so sorry about your friend. She should never have had to feel that way. If she had lived in a less oppressive part of the world it may have been different, but even if you don't believe your parent's version of Christianity then I hope you can believe she is happy and always with you in spirit.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (1 April 2009):
 hun i am sickened by what your parents said!shouldn't matter what way she was whether straight gay bisexual it's the person who she was who counts!they shouldn't be so crude to you they should be there for you and know that you had no intention of leading her on.even if you were interested in her so what they should still love you and care for you no matter what!it's your life!!listen hun you can't blame yourself one bit for any of this this isn't your fault.look if you need to talk abou anything please please! don't hesitate to message me :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): The most polite thing I can say is that your parents have revealed something about themselves. You were questioning your (their?) faith before, and that questioning has been affirmed.
You will have support in your grief from the many people who cared for your friend. Turn to them, and work through this together. You'll have time to decide how to deal with your narrow, insensitive parents later. For now, celebrate your friend's life and honour her friendship.
Take care of yourself.
...............................
|
