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My old boyfriend is making life a complicated nightmare!

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 December 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

I am frightened and in a spider's web! 6 weeks ago I got involved with a friend who is having an affair with someone else who is still living with her man (they are not married).

I split with my man 6 months ago and my new man split with his girlfriend 10 months ago. So technically speaking we are single apart from his affair.

I split with my man because he was physically involved with a 15 year old girl. (the relationship had been going on for 18 months - so started when she was 13). When it all blew up he physically attacked me and I moved out.

We went away this weekend and word got back to my old partner via my new partners sister' husband. This person has always had an obsession with me and started emailing me spooky emails saying how much he wanted to be with me. I stopped these by threatening to tell his wife.

However while we were away I got an text message calling me a s**t and that my partner knew about the trip. I was astounded. I have only ever been with 5 men and I am 34!

I still work for my old partner and this morning he trapped me in the office and accused me of being involved with my friend for over a year. He said all sorts of things about me and I feared he was going to attack me again. He wouldn't let me out of the office until I phoned the police, then I hung up.

When I got free I phoned my new man who had received a warning text saying watch your back.

I am really scared. My old boyfriend drinks a lot, is very unpredictable and I fear for my and my new man's safety. Should I go and report all this to the police? The man who has the obsession for me, I feel he thinks that if he can't have me then no-one else can. He attacked his wife about 4 weeks ago and I think this was all connected with me.

When my old boyfreind initially attacked me I was called into the police about both incidents - underage and my attack. However I said I had no proof about the underage thing and I didn't want to press charges about the headbutt.

Please help.

View related questions: affair, moved out, text, trapped

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005):

You really should go to the police. Your ex-boyfriend shows all the signs of being an out of control psycho. Please listen to me. I know from excperience, as I have been stalked 3 times within 2 years. It is completely idiotic to standby and do nothing. It does not hurt to make a statement to the police so that they at least know what is going on and have a case against your ex just in case he does come after you or someone else again. Try bringing a tape recorder with you but make sure that he does not catch you. Evidence is always proof of violence. Without evidence, it is only your word against his. The best thing you can try and do is beg a judge for a restraining order....fearing for your life and the life of your loved ones. Look into that....if not for yourself then for your new partner. Also, keep the text message....the police may be able to track where the text came from (your ex-boyfriend's phone) and be able to build a "case".

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A male reader, harshbutfair United Kingdom +, writes (14 December 2005):

harshbutfair agony auntYes you should phone the police. Certainly in the UK it is an offence to send threatening communications via whatever means. Go to the police station, present the text and at least make them aware of this. They should be able to log it and give you a crime #.

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A female reader, Aunty S +, writes (14 December 2005):

dont worry

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