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female
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*malltown
writes: I finalized my divorce last fall and started dating six months later. I hit it off immediately with a man who moved out sooner but who only resolved his divorce last month.He says he's over his last wife (she left him) and "is not going back there," but I keep getting the feeling that he isn't over her - he just wants to be. He even keeps pictures of her up on his file cabinet at work.I really like this guy -- I care for him a lot and he "does it" for me on many levels -- but I also want a child and he doesn't (he already has three). And like I said, I don't think he's over his ex. I'm not sure what to do -- cool off and wait?
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 I agree with "NordicBeauty+"
If I were you...I would Try to be "Just Friends" with him for now.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Number one...this fellow is FRESH out of a relationship and has 3 little added responsibilites on his plate.Also, he keeps photos of his ex close by to look at A LOT.Where does he keep your photos?You want children but he does not...BIG ISSUE.That means you have to set aside your desires for a family because he's already had one...is that fair to you?He might be over his exwife in his mind...but not in his heart.I believe this fellow needs TIME...more than just a month, to be free & clear of alot of past issues in his life.Please be careful not to be his "rebound"You deserve a guy who can focus totally on you, and shares the joy of wanting children and a happy growing family.Sounds to me, like he is not ready for another relationship at this point.You like him, but you didn't say you LOVE him.That's a positive point...use it...move forward with it.Breaking it off or putting distance between each other for awhile, would be wise...give him time to heal & decide what he really wants...if it's you...Bravo !If not...then you'll be spared much heartache .All the best,
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female
reader, lorrainetrigg +, writes (3 July 2005):
Sounds to me as though both of you are hot off the marriage block and I don't think your guy has got over his previous wife leaving. It is pretty ego deflating for him that it was her who left him and give the guy a break, he is only human. He will still be nursing his pride. It's a bit soon for him to move on .. for every year he has been with his ex-wife, it is estimated that it will take a month for every year married to get over her. You already have one big problem in your relationship and that is that you would like a child. If a person doesn't want children, or any more and the other does, then you will have a big incompatiblity situation straight away. I hope you aren't thinking of doing anything silly like "accidently" going to get pregnant, as you will be on a very slippery slope to ending your relationship. I suggest you lay your cards on the table, tell him what you want out of your relationship, and give him a choice and yourself a choice of whether to continue in this relationship. There are plenty of fish in waters, and you may need to cast your net out further afield and not settle for the first one you catch.
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