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My new boyfriend's grandfather died. He distant now. How can I support and comfort him?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2008)
A female South Africa age 30-35, *uicksilver writes:

my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost three months now, but before then we were total strangers. we are both students in the same university, but different campuses; we don't really spend time together, so there's still alot we don't know about each other. few days ago his grandfather passed away, I've never met his grandfather before and he's never mentioned him to me before, so I don't really know how close they were. I would like to comfort my boyfriend for his loss, but I don't know how or where to start, i can't move in with him and make sure I spend every second with him coz i don't think our relationship has reached that level yet,recently he just started pulling away from me; I haven't seen him since his loss. He keep on sending me very confusing e-mails and when i want to know what he means he always says "never mind" or doesn't even respond to my messages. i don't want to push him, I want to give him space,but I'm also afraid that when this is all over our relationship may also be over. plz help

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008):

Hey there don't panic! If he is grieving he may very well want time to himself. If you let that be then he will appreciate you. He probably does not want to talk about it or be smothered. This is surely one of those moments that all men have when they go into the cave. You must let him be ofr you will show him that your need to be with him is more important that you giving him space when he needs it.

You could think of something cool to send, perhaps a text or email. You could say "I know you need asome time for stuff and I send my condolences. Here if you need a night out or for whatever is best. Stay in touch when ever you want. Preferably that will be before (a date with a fun event happening in a couple of weeks time). Love and all. Your name. XX

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