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My mother wanted me to date but now that I am she says I will bring shame upon her

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Question - (28 August 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 August 2015)
A female India age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I was raised by a single parent. My mother had always provided for me in terms of food, clothing, shelter, and fulfilled every materialistic wish I ever had. Not to brag, but I was never a demanding child, so the main issues that my mother had to tackle with were my poor academic performance in school, and my short temper. I am now 25 years old, and for the first time in my life I am in a relationship. I have my own job and I am independent. When I wasn't in a relationship, my mother would ask me to find and look for someone and start dating. Now that I have, she has started to lecture me about hanging out too much in public with my boyfriend; she afraid society might see it in a negative light and cause shame to the family. I have never done anything that can "cause shame to the family". It is hurtful that she can think I am capable of intending to cause her shame. What I do is my own choice, I am not harming any body, I am not doing anything illegal, and I am not even lying about where I go and who I go with. Despite all this, I still end up hearing things like what will people think and how will she go out in public. I am at my wit's end. I have broken down and cried, fought with her many times. I can't deal with this sort of unnecessary and unwarranted pressure any more. Please tell I should do. Am I overreacting?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2015):

youre mother is doing a classic thing by projecting her anxieties onto you as a burden to carry.You dont need her negative comments and one day i think you will have to tell her this.Is mum a little jealous that you seem to be living your own life.Is there a race issue with your mum?It beggars belief that she could make an accussation out of spending time with your boyfriend and where you go is your business.Probably if you were standing on a street waiting to cross the road your mum would accuse you of soliciting for sex .

And the reason for this is perhaps that she is losing her marbles, a bit too jealous, or trying to accuse you of something she has done in the past to see how you react.

Just tell her "Mum your cute but so out of touch with life today...i guess your generation must've really had it hard eh?"

But make sure she pays for the phone call because after that kind of leading comment she will pin your ears to the floor with long reminiscents about d good ol days until your credit runs dry.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (28 August 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

You are not over reacting :)) You are your mother's pride and joy since she raised you alone. she wanted the best for you, and for you to find a good husband. But now that you are moving away from her protection, it can be hard for her to let go. She just wants her baby girl to have a perfect life.

Yes I said baby girl, because to a mother, you will always be her baby :))

So here is what you do...When she starts lecturing you, walk up to her, and just hug her tight and say "I Love you mom". Do it every time. Why??? She gets to be mom and she sees you love her...but also, the day is coming when you will have kids of your own, and only then will you understand how your mother truly feels. If you are blessed with a daughter, hopefully you will remember this, and not do it her. :))) Chances are...you will :))

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