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I know I shouldn't be involved with this married man but I don't know what to do about things

Tagged as: Cheating, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2015)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I'm a 20 year old college junior. I've had many problems that started in late childhood. Starting with body dysmorphia, and lead into anorexia, binge eating, self harm, suicidal tendencies, and depression. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder... But to be honest if you met me in publix (besides the scars) I'm a pretty nice person. I love to help, and making people smile and feel happy is the only thing I really enjoy.

So taking all that it's easy to accept that I haven't really had a boyfriend or any kind of sexual relationship ever.

But I am 20 so I have urges just as anyone else. I just don't have the knowledge of what to do about it or how to feel.

That being said, coming in to college as a freshmen was rough. My family couldn't really afford it, so other family members had to help. I got a campus job in dining for the financial aid (which I quickly became manager because they saw how hard a worker I was).

In my new job I became really close to my coworkers.

One in particular a (over twice my age) married man. Our friend started fast, and grew slowly.

One summer he even let me stay at his house.

I'm friends with his wife (who has similar past as mine).

The flirting didn't start out as strong, it's actually really blurry to me when it became what one would consider past the line.

I don't mind flirting. It boosts my confidence, but it's when things got sexual that I stated to question.

This man has two sides.

One side has helped me through so many things. He's been my biggest cheerleader, and the kick in the ass I needed. It's often a tough love, but kind enough. He even taught me to drive.

The other side is the funny, friend with benefits. We never had sex by definition, but it's been close.

He's grounded in me from behind. We've spooned.

He taken his penis out and pulled my pants down and just rubbed and pushed it against me. I'll stop him from going further, but I don't stop the action.

I've been woken up from sleeping on his couch by This kind of thing.

I don't have family support, they love me but they can't deal or handle all that's fucked up about me. I often find myself being there therapists or a mediator between raging divorced parents.

I don't know what to think about it. I know it's so fucking wrong because he's married, but I never fault him. It's my fault. I'm always the problem, but I don't want to tell him to stop becaus I haven't from the start.

He seems to enjoy it.

I don't hate it (to a certain degree).

Sometimes I feel dirty, and ruined.

Sometimes I feel loved.

I don't know what I'm asking,

I just need advice, because I don't have any idea what to do anymore.

View related questions: anorexic, co-worker, confidence, divorce, flirt, friend with benefits, married man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015):

Get yourself to legal aid what he is doing to you I can guarentee he has done to others in the past and will continue to do so unless you put a stop to it.He is using his position of power over you in order to get some.If it was not you it would be someone else it does not matter who.Be a real woman and protect yourself do not fall for this seasoned creep.I am sure he has had plenty of practice in this and you are one of many.Get yourself tested for std because who knows how far you went by now.Sue him for lots of money because what he did to you is illegal and morally wrong.

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A female reader, Flower89  +, writes (28 August 2015):

Flower89 agony auntYou know I read this and just seen VULNERABLE in neon flashing lights!

I'm sorry you have been through so much, it sounds like you need someone to be that friend, rock to stand by you. It isn't this man, yes he's done, "nice things to help you." Now you are seeing why he did it! Not to help you but to hope you would be so grateful you would lie down for him!

Get away from this man, befriend some girls in college to be your support network. Not a married man, tbh he's a scum bag for doing this to his wife and I think taking advantage of you.

Please before it goes too far or his wife finds out, get away from him.

If I get tell you are vulnerable by one post am sure this man knows it too and some guys have a 6sense for picking this up.

Please for your own sake stop this and get away from him.

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A male reader, Garbo United States + , writes (28 August 2015):

Garbo agony aunt"I know it's so fucking wrong because he's married"

What's happening to you is wrong not just because he is married but also because he is misusing his "mentoring" position of power to lure you into a sexual relation. Frankly, you are being victimized here in the same way that a man in authority would subdue you to have sex with him.

So you are sexually double-sided: by a married cheater and a person of authority and both are abusive perspectives. Some folks refer to such men as "creeps".

You may not mind the attention that you are getting but you are getting a wrong kind of attention. Instead of a prospective partner you are in with a cheater with no prospects. Instead of a loving relationship you are getting a power relationship where you are diminutive. Instead of sex you are getting into exibitionist fetishes that satisfy the cheater and not you.

I would suggest you cut this man out of your life altogether. You may find many reasons not to - from psychological support to sex - but you need to be aware that this is not healthy. There is nothing in it for you and I would not be surprised that the creep is also playing on your psychological disorder.

You need to be strong and find ways and means to rid yourself of this man.

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