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My mother in law expects me to wait on her hand and foot just because I'm married to her son

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 May 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2013)
A female South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupids

I am a troubled woman. I am staying with my mother in law but I have so much bitterness and unresolved issues with her. I decided to stop calling my mum in law last month because she would harass me each time I called her and made life so difficult for me.

When she realized I was no longer calling her, my mum in law then decided she was going to impose herself on me and came to my house telling me I had no right to ignore her no matter what she had done because I had her son in my life.

She went on to say she had every right to stay with me all she wanted and be taken care of because I was married to her son. By the way she is recovering from a leg injury and spends most of the day sleeping and needs help in everything.

She came with her daughter who just dropped her and left the next morning. My husband left the day she arrived to go abroad for some studies. Now I have to take care of her on my own after all she said about me, to me and all she did. I have always done my best as a daughter in law but everythg has gone unappreciated. Guys is this not abuse? I just feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of. She talks a lot. Sh is always correcting me, telling me what to do, wanting to control me and disregards all my feelings. I now feel like a stranger in my own house.

Here is a patronising , manipulating woman who thinks I have to do anything for her no matter how it hurts me just because I am married to her son. Please help me. I am breaking.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (19 May 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf he's wealthy enough to go abroad for "some studies" for months, then he's wealthy enough to house you and his mother separately.

If it were me, I'd leave her in the house and go back to my parents' home and suggest to my husband that he either deal with her or say 'goodbye' to me. Or I'd develop a case of "hysterical deafness," wear ear plugs and shrug a lot, apologetically.

It sounds like she's applying a certain cultural system to you while you do not feel at all subscribed or beholden to antiquated beliefs.

If you are feeling patronised and manipulated, and are a modern woman, it's time to woman up and move into a place of your own. If that means putting the family home into a rental situation, well, so be it.

Take a modern approach to a dilemma that belongs to the middle ages.


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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (19 May 2013):

janniepeg agony auntYour mother in law can't impose outdated familial rules on you. Your husband won't be in college forever. So next time he comes home for a break ask him to arrange assisted living for his mom. Don't be afraid of confronting this issue with him as you didn't sign up for this when you married him. If he gets angry or defensive then it's clear that he married you for the purpose of having an unpaid mom caretaker and does not care about your feelings. How convenient that he can go to school abroad and dump this responsibility on you.

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