A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i would like to know if anyone has any storys of when theyve challenged someone's behaviour that was bullying, discriminatory or insensitive. Do not use an example where the other person was simply angry or upset. Their behaviour must have been bullying, discriminatory or insensitive. i would like to know Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): Sorry I posted the story about the owner/manager situation and I'm not the original poster. It was just an example of my experience.
My work set up is a bit odd as I'm technically self employed, but work within someone elses company. The other staff are employees. The problem is that all the business owners know each other and word gets around very quickly of what action you'd taken. Anyone taking this to a tribunal would find it very hard to get a job elsewhere in the same industry, certainly in the local area.
In my case it was enough to raise the issue and I'm happy that I don't work there anymore.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 Yeah, sounds like you dealt with a bully alright. Her motive, her standing in the company, and her method of operating fits for sure.
She played, and actually in your case she's playing on your feeling that you couldn't do anything about her behavior. Since her husband is the business owner, she felt invincible, and that anyone she belittled or emasculated couldn't fight back.
She also played on the idea that she could turn anyone's complaint back onto them due to the influence she has on her husband, who is the real power in the office.
You are out of there now, but I can help you on this one because you need to remain competent in your field of work. Were you fired from your job? Or were you compelled to quit? If you were fired, you have the written letter you sent the owner, right? I would suggest adding a log of very detailed examples of mistreatment of you by the owner or the manager there. Workplace bullying by a superior requires exquisite documentation because many of these things tend to end up in court.
In bullying cases involving business owners, the way to fight back is to strike their pocketbook. Fighting cases in the legal world require legal counsel and civil actions, and chances are that other employees past and present have endured the same abuse. The woman whose doctor treated her for stress would make an outstanding witness.
Banding in numbers and keeping a detailed, ongoing log of specific patterns, instances, dates, and other people involved strengthen your case exponentially. Every abusive encounter in a workplace can either be endured hopelessly, or used a fuel and building blocks to a case. Then when it's time to make a formal complaint, it becomes part of the log, and usually, the complaint if filed with Human Resources. In the case of small business managements, the complaint can be sent via. email with a return tracker as well as registered mail.
Hit a bully like the one you dealt with in the pocketbook, and be armed with witnesses and ironclad documentation. You have a case, so the question is -- are you brave enough to stand up for yourself?
As for your career going forward, I'm guessing you have peers who can provide references to your future employers?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): Not sure this will help, but here goes. We had a bully at the last place that I worked. She was the manager and married to the business owner.Her behaviour varied from starting gossip/rumours about people, to belittling them in front of colleagues to screaming at them. Various staff members raised concerns about her behaviour, but as she was married to the owner nothing was done. Things came to a head for me when a woman that I worked closely with finally had to quit. She was actually signed off by her doctor due to 'stress caused by bullying in the workplace'. Again, nothing was done so I took professional advice as to where I stood. I was advised to put my concerns in writing to the practice owner and then the ball was in his court. The fact that I no longer work there should tell you how successful that approach was! Unfortunately I work in an industry where everyone knows everyone else. If I'd tried to take this further (or anyone else had), the odds are that I wouldn't have been able to find work in the same industry. Not a great example, but that's my story.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 May 2013):
Can you be more specific as to the type or context of bullying you are hoping to hear about? There are many different types ranging from the passive aggressive type to keep the one being bullied off balance to the pushy and aggressive personality that keeps their family or workplace walking on eggshells with their explosive temper. Bullying can be on a sports field in order to intimidate or even within friendships, where jealousy can cause bullying and belittling and putting someone down in order to feel better about themselves.
It's also important not to sling the label around too liberally, or it loses its meaning and then its impact. Society tends to do that when an issue comes to the forefront, like when the sexual harassment issue came forward in the early 90's, then everything was a sexual harassment lawsuit or HR complaint. Some guy could innocently compliment a woman's scarf and get reprimanded at that time. Not everything is bullying. Insensitivity is mostly defined by being oblivious to the feelings of others, and that could be inadvertent or naive on the part of the insensitive.
It could help if you were specific on the type of bullying you're looking to hear about, and if you or someone you love has either been the victim of it, or if you or a loved one are being accused of bullying behavior, then this is an anonymous site, and we're here to help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): Bullies exist throughout our lives. The key is to know your rights and hit them where it hurts - legally.As a teenager I was bullied terribly. I had the girl visited by the police for harassment. She was not charged, but had enough of a fright to stop.As an adult, I had a work preceptor who tormented me. I wrote a letter to my manager and work leadership, who ended the preceptorship and her ability to teach other workers. There must have been more because she quit work shortly after.I recently evicted some tenants in my rental who where abusive, did not pay rent and verbally lashed out at me. I had police reports filed, went to court, had them kicked out and then took their files and money owed to a collection agency. Now their credit is shot and their have debt collectors after them.You can't physically hurt or verbally lash out at others and expect the problem to be resolved. Particularly with people who are bullies and abusers. Sometimes this just fuels them even more and you could actually get in trouble. You have to know your rights and you have to be willing to pursue things in the correct way.What is your situation? We'd be able to give you better feedback.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 Why do you want this information?
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