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My mom is having an affair... Again. What do I do? Who can I tell?

Tagged as: Cheating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2005) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2009)
A female , anonymous writes:

When i was about 8 my mum and dad split up for 3 months. At the time they said they just needed a break. They got marrage counciling and got back together. In the years following i slowly learnt by slip ups and evesdropping that the reason for the split was that my mum had had an affair. Since then my family has never been quite as close. they both work long hours and complain about each other to me. My older brother is pretty vauge and i don't think pays attention to their relationship. I think my mum regrets marrying my dad and thinks she could have done better, she's pretty condescending about him.

Its been 10 years since the first split and this year i descovered my mum is having an affair. She was chatting alot to this doctor she worked with on the phone but it seemed inoccent. then i noticed she had a secret email account. one day she left it open when she went to another room and i saw what she was writting to this guy. He is married with kids too and was considering leaving his wife for her. The write to each other at least everyday and she said in the emails that she thinks about him all the time and i get the impression she's in love with him. also from i think she susspects i know something is up.

I am so angry at her i am starting to hate her. How could she do this to my dad. She should have left him the first time if she didn't love him. He deserves so much better than this. I don't know what to do about it though. who can i talk to? do i tell my dad? he deserves to know? can i talk to my my brother? i am so confused.

View related questions: a break, affair, got back together, split up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009):

I am going through almost the same thing.

A few years ago, my mom found out my dad was having an affair, and she basically exiled him from our house for a few months and it took a year for our family to mostly reconcile.

Now, a year later, I find in her SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNT that she is having like...technological sexual relations with two men, of whom I don't even know.

I'm sick of this happening in my family and it tears me apart to see the love emails my daddy sends my mom and then right below it to see disgusting emails from married men.

It makes me hate my mother, but she acts like nothing is wrong. My dad even suspected it, but she lied completely.

I don't really have friends that I can trust completely with this, and I don't want them to think my family is disfunctional when, on the outside, we are the perfect family.

If you find a good response, please let me know. I'm on the verge of like...moving out...I'm only 14. I can't stand it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008):

Well I Would Speak To Your Brother, And Ask Him What Too Do

Im In Your Suitution In A Way My Mom And Dad Keep Getting back together and now they are spliting up for good.IM ANGRY BUT A LEAST THEY WILL HAVE A BETTER LIFE WITHOUT EACHOTHER

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007):

on my opinion U shouldn't do anything because its her life because if U do then she'll hate u for it.Besides it won't make any difference at all,trust me.My parents split up for the same reason as yours.The only thing U should do now is concentrate on something else and well prepare for the worst.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

hey boy i know its painful but think wider.

your mom has her own life. you cant force her kill her feelings. So be cool. let realise herself that your father love your mom.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007):

Im going through the exact same situation right now! My father and I have never had a close relationship, he is a bit of a bully and picks on me for no reason yet, and that hurts, because Im ready to be on his side when everything comes out in to the open.

Im not good at these things, too depressed myself to even contemplate helping others, but it is very reassuring to know that there are other people who have the same problems...its good not too feel alone.

I hope everything does get better for u soon xxxx

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A female reader, Virginiaac +, writes (22 December 2005):

If you talk to anyone, it must be no-one else but your Mom. Marriage is a funny old thing, and perhaps Mom is very unhappy and you may have no idea of what kind of relationship your Mom and Dad have together. Speak to Mom, tell her how you feel and perhaps together you can come through the hard times.

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A female reader, Tinkz South Africa +, writes (22 December 2005):

Tinkz agony auntShame sweety, i know what you going through.

When i was 13 my mom did the same thing, my sister was 8 and I hated my mom for doing it.

But you need to think why she did it. Yes you love your dad but maybe your dad wasn't that loving towards your mom.

Every women needs to be loved and SHOWN that she is loved.

Your mom is old enough to make her own decisions and if she does not want to tell your dad, then she has her own reasons for doing so.

If you need to talk to someone, speak to your best friend, someone with an un biased opinion.

You may be angry with her now, but remember she still loves you and she is still your mother.

be happy that there is someone that makes your mom happy and know that there is someone to make your dad happy.

Affairs are adult problems,

Ask yourself, have you ever cheated on a boyfriend, if you have why? Same applies in a marriage

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