A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was involved with a married man for 3 yrs.He always said he does not want to be committed to me.I did not believe him because his actions spoke volumes.He wanted to see me all the time. He became very possessive of me and was extremely jealous of me.Often he would ask me when I was intimate with my husband and clearly was upset if I said yes.I know he said he did not want to be committed to me to get back at me. he had asked me if I was going to leave my husband and I said no.He even asked me to leave my children and be only with him. My husband is in love with me very deeply and we love each other.I think I sought after my lovers attention because I had never had any other relationships with other men .I was very sheltered growing up and my family is very affluent.He never took me to bed. Its not because he was not turned on but he said he would not sleep with me because he does not want to hurt me. He would kiss me every chance he had .Never Sex. So why did he keep me in his life all this while. When I asked him if he had a sexually transmitted disease his response was why do you want to know and later it was a yes. then it became a No. I never believed anything he told me .I came to love him not for his word but his actions.He really loved me and I had developed deep feelings for him that I am not proud of. I was shocked when he saw me one day recently and the next day he left town without even telling me. He is married his wife makes close to equivalent of 350,000 $ annually compared to his 160,000$ . They have two kids and married for 12 yrs. I think it was for financial reasons why he never left her..Do you think he ever loved me? Actually I am scared of him. I know he will come back for me. I am very afraid he has that mentality if I cant have her no one else will.Please help
View related questions:
jealous, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): You are all quite right. I agree with all your comments.Except that he has called me 10 min ago begging me to hang in thier.He had to live town because his wife gave him an ultimatum and he will be back. i dont want this freak back.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 He said he doesn't want to be committed to you, well yeah because he's an affair. From what I get from your post he was using you for the companionship, nothing more. It's possible his wife was meeting his needs in the bedroom. Also, if he cheated on his wife several times, it's very possible he does have an STD. I'm sorry but you say you love your husband and blame your affair on your sheltered life..if you actually love your husband as much as you say you do then you wouldn't have cheated. This guy is nothing but an affair, he's NOT going to leave his wife for you..one, she makes a lot of money and two he wouldn't want to take on the responsibility of your kids if you were to get together. He skipped town because he probably has another affair in addition to you. You're not the first woman and you won't be the last. I suggest you let him go.
Now, what you need to do is tell your husband of your indiscretion. Then proceed to seek marriage counseling and individual therapy for yourself because I'm more concerned about your mentality than your lover's.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I wrote the original note ,now I am responding .He was very very affectionate towards me when ever he saw me.He was probably afraid to give me his disease .That is the reason I fell hard for him because he wont hurt me at least that way. He said If he had had sex with me ,I would never be able to have sex with my husband.He stressed a lot about me and always wanted to protect me.When he saw me he could not stop being affectionate towards me holding hands,gazing into our eyes,carressing my hands,called me his baby. He asked me to leave my xchildren for him and be with only him. Of course I cant do that.Also my husband makes over equivalent of 1000000 million dollars a yr as a prominent surgeon. I think he felt He would never be able to match up to my husbands salary.He also told me I would loose so much if I was with him.The reason I am scared of him because of secret he told me about his wife.One day he even said I am not going to beat you .Thats why I am so scared.He loves me a lot he said and I dont think he likes kids at all.When I would ask about his kids he would say I dont want to talk about them.My question is what even made me attracted to this guy.He was obviously nothing like my husband..It did not make sense men who cheat mostly only do so for sex. He even admitted he has cheated on his wife SEVERAL times.Why I did not run for the hills beats me .PLEASE HELP.Confused .I MISS HIM IN A SICK WAY
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 What a mess you got yourself in to hear, am sorry but i just dont agree with cheating in a marriage, what about your poor children and your husband?
Ok so you have made a mistake now you need to try and make it right, its probably for the best that he left at least now you can concentrate on your own life and give your full attention to your family.
To be honest i dont know if he loved you its quite hard to tell, am glad he refused to have sex with you though, good for him, he was obviously craving attention from you in a non sexual way, i honestly cant say if he loved you or not but you need to try and move on from this and accept that its the best thing him moving away because it could have got a whole lot messier.
Why are you scared of him? Has he ever given you any reason to be frightened of him? Do you think he would come back and tell your husband about the affair? If you think this is the case then maybe you need to sit down with your husband and tell him what a horrible mistake that you have made and beg him for his forgiveness. goodluck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 To answer your question no I dont think he ever loved you, and if you are scared of him you need to talk to somebody, I udnerstand you would probably prefer not to let family members know how you have been taken in and manipulated for the past three years but start with your GP or local clergy.
...............................
|
