A
female
age
30-35,
*nique32
writes:Dear Cupid, my man masturbates on a regular basis but he won't do in front of me. He claims its something he has to do in private. And when he does it he has to watch porn to perform it usually oral sex clips. My question is I wouldn't mind him doing it but in front of me sometimes. He said he don't do it for sexual pleasure, what other ways can you do it for?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 Perhaps give him a show yourself? See what happens?
But as for the reason for masturbation, you might be surprised. Sometimes we just do it, to get it out of the way.
Think of it as eating, sometimes you enjoy a fine meal and sometimes you just need to get some nutrition inside in the least amount of time. For women it might be different.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Well, masturbation can be used as stress relief. He might feel awkward watching porn and masturbating to it in front of you. If you really want him to do this less (because making him stop this is most likely an improbability), then offer to have oral sex with him or even surprise him if you think he'll be okay with that.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (31 October 2009):
 I think for men, the act of masturbation is the counter part of women being shamed into needing to present a chaste appearance. Women have to mute their sexuality lest they be branded as sluts. Men are shamed to think masturbation is a sign of sexual perversion. Neither is true, but the archaic and obsolete stigma stays attached and is hard to shake.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 Being quite impressed by the input and insight by "quiet-echo," apparently female, I must agree that most men continue to masturbate throughout life, even while in a great marriage or relationship. And yes, it is kind of a release of tension much more than a sexual thing, and is not necessarily reflective of any discontent with our partners.No one can speak for all men, but studies show that normal men grow up and begin masturbating at some point, as do women. Nothing is wrong with it - in fact, it is quite healthy for both genders.It is also not at all unusual that, for men at least, some form of porn is employed, or at least requires a wild imagination. In my youth, it required the imagination or a Sears catalog with pictures of panties and bras. lol But most of us prefer to keep our episodes to ourselves. Women are reportedly much the same. In my opinion, leading a more active and adventurous sex life greatly reduces, but does not eliminate, the occasional desire to masturbate. It is perfectly normal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I think it's great that this is something you'd be willing to share with him and enjoy together. That's awesome. But if he's not interested in that then you're just going to have to give him his space. quiet-echo is right that this may not have anything to do with you, or be anything that you should be worried or feel insecure about. Men just like to watch porn and jerk off. Period.You could gently let him know that you'd like to watch him, or would prefer that he does it in front of you and include you. And the way to do that might be to let him know that you respect his needs and his space, and you don't mind that he's doing it. The less pressure he feels, and if he realises you're cool with it, the more likely he'll be to include you.But if he doesn't don't push it. We all need our space.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 Release of tension.
It's not unusual for some to simply feel uncomfortable masturbating in front of their partner. Everyone has their own comfort zone.
It is often reported that men have higher sex drives, think about sex all the time and are game for just about anything, anytime, with anyone and as a result we expect them to have zero personal limits. It's simply not true. Men have comfort zones just as women do. And while we admonish a man not to pressure his wife into having anal sex, men shouldn't be expected to put on a show if they don't want to. Not that YOU are pressuring him, but there are many posts on this site from women with the same concern.
This is not a reflection of you, nor is it meant to shut you out.
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