A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:DearCupid,My wife and I have been going through some rough times for sometime now. There is no doubt about my love for her. Actually, sometimes I feel I fall in and out of love. Whenever I'm with her (she is going through difficult time because of death of her Dad), I just feel I want to take care of her and making future plans. I don't think is just feeling bad or pity. However, when I'm on my own and reflect, I seem to have doubts. I have a son from a previous marriage who is in another country. He is better off there. We moved due to the life changing event. I think I want to go back, not only because of my son but also for career. I think I want to move on, but I don't know how, she is lost and going through grieving. I can't leave her alone, I need to take care of her, but is it really right?Any suggestions are appreciated.Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): When you married your wife, you took vows and they involoved loving her for the rest of your life and loking after her. She grieveing her dad right now, she needs you to be there. So why dont you stop being selfidh and look after her. Dont be like all men and think of yourself. This question made me very angry.
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (31 October 2009):
 I think you need to determine what it is you want? If you could put the bad times to the side for the moment and ask yourself what is it that keeps you both together because something is!
Now you say you fall in and out of love with her, and i think that comes with the thoughts you have of wanting to go back to your other country cause your son is there, probably deep down you are missing your son dreadfully and that is what is making you want to return, plus your career. Two big reasons!
Maybe it would be a problem for your wife to return with you and that is why you keep turning off and on with her?
Cause it is easier in some ways to make a decision to go if your not in love with that person.
But i think your unsure, cause we usually know one way or another we don't usually turn off on and on.
She wont grieve forever and in some ways i wonder if this would be a breath of fresh air for her! like starting all over and although it might take her away form her family, jumping on a plane now has become like jumping on a a bus for some people who travel to see family.
Talk with your wife explain all the fears you have because i think deep down you do love her but just cant seem to make a decision about going, in case she is not in a fit state of mind right now, that is why i urge you to talk with her, bear in mind yes she is still grieving but that wont last forever trust me.
Gina
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): hi i think its perfectly natural to keep falling in love again and again with your wife..it happens when you keep getting reminded of why you love her and that is true love.
I think you both seem to be grieving for different things, you're wife for her father and you for a change of life, career ect. The only way to decide which way forward for you is to talk to your wife and decide together about which way you should go with your plans, but as she is in a delicate state at the moment it would be insensitive to expect her to make a life changing decision right now.
At the moment all you can do is carry on as you are, support her in all ways you can and when the time and situation is right, gently broach the subject of your career and life change ideas. listen to her and decide together where your lives should go from here. But give her time to grieve and accept her father has gone and let her return to her usual self first.
Real deep love is hard to find, and marriage is all about sharing your life with someone, compromising and caring for each other. Major decisions should be a joint decision and whatever is decided or compromised on should be accepted, if its not what you want, accept it and remember that your love together really is unique and irreplaceable.
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