A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've had a male friend for about a year and we've always been really close and clicked. I kind of find him attractive (he is good looking), but he's a ladies' guy who even dated off Tinder during lockdown, so I like him more as a friend. He's always been very nice to me (our friends are always joking that I'm his gf) and got v flirtatious the other day over text. I told him I'd think about it. We have LOADS of interests in common (we both love swimming etc) and get on. Thing is though, I'm attractive, get attention from guys but I'm not sure if I'm his type. Like I wouldnt say I'm low maintenance, I like to look girly and am really in shape etc. but the sorts of girls he likes wear loads of makeup, take lots of Insta selfies, wear fake nails, are really princessy etc. which is just not me. (I just got a part time job at a farm and my parents arent rich!He's always posting about girls on FB and that girls who doll themselves up like Kylie Jenner, Madison Beer etc. are his ideal girls looks wise.I have the same hair colour etc. as those girls which is prob why he likes me (he goes for olive skinned brunettes) but I also don't want to look high maintenance like that lol its just not me. As for if I like him romantically, I'm on the fence b/c we get on so well as good friends and he is my type (he's always been good to me) but I've seen the way he treats Tinder girls. I've given him girl advice loads of time and he goes from being infatuated with girls he's met on online dating and taking them out for fancy dinners to hating them if they don't chase him lol. Should I just tell him I want to be friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2021): It won't work, because you know the kind of women he likes doesn't fit your appearance or personality-type.
First and foremost, you're crushing on a friend. If he has never made a discernable approach towards you in a romantic-sense, you should be wondering what's the holdback? You're a friend, but he just so happens to be male. Undoubtedly, he can still recognize the fact you're a female. That doesn't always translate into a compatible and loving romantic-match!
You want advice telling you how to make him want you, without having to change who you are. If he did like you as you are, you wouldn't be here. People who are friends of the opposite-sex, and close in age, might get curious in a carnal sense; or develop a sexual-tension from time to time. Here's the caveat. If you offered him sex; he'd probably take it, because you offered it to him, but then you'd only be friends with benefits. He isn't sending obvious and distinct signals of romantic-interest, followed-up by his pursuit; but that's why you are here, and what you're hoping for. You're trying to convince us you're sure he likes you that way; but if you were certain of that, you wouldn't need advice. What else is there to do but to go with the flow?
Your feelings about him amount to a crush. His taste seems very superficial; and you can't stop comparing yourself to the kinds of women he makes so much of a fuss over. Just because you've gotten attached, doesn't make him right for you as a match. You're also being superficial, because you made mention of his appearance; so that's one of the factors that feeds into your crush. His looks! Some guys like girls who are eye-candy, and a tribute to their egos. "Look at us, we're the hot couple! Everybody wants us, or to be with us!" Guys like that date a different girl practically every week!
If a guy makes you feel bad, or insecure, about yourself in even the slightest way; your best bet is to avoid him! That's a red-flag, and it shouldn't be ignored! It should even rise to the level of a deal-breaker; because it will compromise your self-confidence, and make you feel self-conscious around women who are like the type you think he prefers.
You are thinking like too many females, who want after the wrong guys. You mess-up your heads trying to compete with his unobtainable or opposing physical "type-criteria" that you don't fit.
The mention of having so many things in-common only fits you well into the friend-zone, right where you belong. Otherwise, you're always going to be painfully aware that he ogles over heavily made-up girls; who are narcissistic, and overly-conscious or vain about their appearance. If you ask me, that says something unappealing about his personality and character. He likes women who look more like street-walkers and drag queens. This excludes those fashionistas who know expertly what's fashionable, chic, and tasteful all at the same time! You'll feel compelled to try and be like them to get his attention. You shouldn't have to change your good traits and naturalness for anybody. You only need to work on what requires adjustment and fixing to make you a better person. That's why so many females end-up crushed, and/or getting their self-esteem destroyed; because they go for these block-headed superficial dudes...just because they're "cute!"
When you make yourself a slave for a man's validation, you will lose yourself and your own identity.
Stay in the friend-zone, or you'll be frustrated at always watching him admiring women who make you feel uncomfortable with who you are. If more women would learn this, DC would probably go out of business!
Go find a guy who likes your type. Wholesome, natural, fit, and with a great personality. You will only feel like you're falling short of this guy's desires and expectations. He will also continue making a big fuss over females who look like those plastic heavily made-up TV reality stars who look more like drag queens than real females!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 February 2021):
 I have had male friends like that. I would never in a million years have dated a guy like that.
Seems to me, that the fact that you get along, that you are pretty and AVAILABLE is the bigger reason why he NOW is "liking" you and asking you out.
It also seems to me, that HE is not QUITE your type, not because of how he looks... but how he TREATS girls. While he has SO FAR treated you nicely, do you REALLY think once you start dating he will NOT be annoyed when you don't chase him? When you don't gush over his looks?
HE is NOT going to treat you better than the Tindr girls.
He sounds shallow and a bit of a dick. He obviously doesn't have a hard time FINDING a girl but he DOES have issues with KEEPING a girl interested.
Asking you out means having to put ZERO effort in. You are there, you two talk all the time... Asking you out is fishing in a barrel.
He would be a hard pass for me.
I would just tell him you are not looking to date right now.
My guess is, he will chase you a bit until you either give in or he gets a "bite" elsewhere.
You have known him for a WHOLE year and he hasn't asked you out before? That just scream, he is not REALLY into you, but you are available and single. Yea, you are NOT his type.
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