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female
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*endi
writes: What should I do? Last year my husband's mother passed away. Since then he has refused to have sex with me! They had an extremely contentious relationship, and many issues remained unsettled between them. I know he was subject to her emotional and physical abuse as a child. This has put a great strain on our marriage, and we will most probably separate. Did I all of a sudden become/replace his mother when she died? HELP! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2006): It sounds like you both need to welcome in the couples counselor.
There are issues that need to be resolved and some you probably didn't even know about.
I think he is just suffering and lost.
Get some individual counseling so you can get good insight on how to be supportive.
patience, time, and work will fix this.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (23 August 2006):
 Wendi my dear, as I said, I think the reason why he feels like this is part of the anger and grieving process he is going through and I am sure that if he could simply stop the way he is feeling he would do so. You say that he refuses counselling, well why not try to persuade him otherwise, dont force him, but let him realise that life without you will be dull, and he will see that he needs the love, support and intimacy from his wife. I cant imagine what is going on in his head but time is a healer, anger and grief take a lot of time and patience. Take care. xXx
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female
reader, wendi +, writes (23 August 2006):
wendi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. The problem is that my husband almost seems "turned off" by me. He says he now wants to be my friend. My feeling is that I have plenty of friends, but I don't share a bed with them! He refuses to seek counseling, and I guess my self-esteem is at a low point. Please help!
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female
reader, sugersweet02 +, writes (23 August 2006):
 hes still grieving, griening comes in all different emotions he obviously is dealing with it, to not have sex, he will come round but you have to understand he has just lost his mother and him were close the way you were speaking so just be there for him and dont think about yourself he has lost a great other half this year!
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female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (22 August 2006):
 Your husband is obviously still grieving. I can tell you obviously care about this man huge amounts, but a woman has needs. You need to sit him down and talk to him, explain that your feeling unwanted and rejected. Make it clear that you care about him and understand what he is going through. Just remnd him that you are his wife and you still excist, let him know you will support him but he needs to remember you aswell. I think that if your marraig edoesnt improve maybe you should both see a couples councillor. I wish you all the luck in the world
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (22 August 2006):
Wendi my dear, grief and anger are such that can affect the person in tremendous ways, you will have to see with him during this difficult time because he is probably upset but at the same time angry towards his mum for what she did to him and he somehow takes it out on you. Can you expect him to have sex on his mind right now? He is hardly likely to be thinking about intimacy when he is going through this hardship, give him time and support him. xXx
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