A
female
age
,
*hotogirlNM
writes:Hello. I need some advice. Desperately!My middle aged husband of 30 years has friends that upset me so much. Several of them are divorced, all of them drink too much and love to hang out at bars. On top of that, they never ask their wives to join in (those who are still married).My husband goes out weekly with these men. He drinks and drives, but denies that he's had too much to drive.The divorced men are always on the troll for women. They go to bars/restaurants where single women hang out. My husband has come home drunk many times; sometimes to the point of throwing up.I don't like these guys and have expressed many times to my husband how upset all of this makes me.He just doesn't see why I am angry. He says "it's only once a week" "I don't drink that much" "You don't know these guys well enough" (I've known them for years...two are alcoholics, and I know some of them have played around on their wives).I feel like my husband is acting like a child. Why should he be hanging out with divorced men and drinking and going to places that are upsetting to me?Am I crazy? Do I have a right to be upset? Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 October 2010):
You certainly have the right to be upset about the drinking and driving. But you have no right to control who he has as friends or where he goes. You ask why he should hang around with divorced men and go drinking - the answer is because he should be able to. Clearly if, in the past, he's had an affair and these men were there, then you have a right to complain. But you can't pick and choose his friends, you can't ban him from seeing people and you can't ban him from going to bars. You mustn't be controlling. The more controlling you are, the worse he will become. However, the drink driving is another matter, and something that really you should tell the police, husband or not.
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