A
male
age
41-50,
*andaHazel
writes:My husband won't make a decision on our adoption plan, when do I give up on him?Some of his concerns are legitimate some are crazy. He says he needs to make more money (true), I'm not healthy enough (crazy). I'm 36, he's 39 We have a 12 year old child. We've been married 4 years I can't have kids. He was a more or less a single father when I met him. His last wife went through what sounds like a extreme post-partum depression and he says that having to step in and do almost all of the child care and housework even though she didn't work this led to such resentment that it destroyed their marriage. She also gained abou a hundred pounds and I wonder what part that played. I've met the woman and I think she was crazy from the start. The problem is he's driving me and himself crazy now. I'm going nuts because I feel like he's comparing me to his ex. I've had a mild depression and I'm not the best house wife, but I'm the bread winner. He gets laid off three months of the year. I'm a good stepmom and I leave him a long leash . Sadly I've gained weight, almost 60 pounds, but so what! How do I get him to decide.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 It sounds to me like he's already decided. Have you sat down and talked to him seriously about this? Is he "for it" but just not yet? Adopting a child is a big responsibility and not everyone can do it. The fact that it is not their flesh and blood can have a big bearing on things. You need to find out in the most diplomatic way possible whether or not your husband really DOES want another child.
If you're the breadwinner of the family, how are you going to look after another child? Are you expecting your husband to do it while you're at work? I'm sure you're a great stepmom but you need to strengthen your relationship and be on the same page as your husband, then sort out your depression before thinking of expanding your family. You are still young enough to do this in a couple of years time but for the moment I would concentrate on the family you have.
Eve
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