A
female
age
36-40,
*egasus1028
writes:My husband lies to me about money. he buys extravagant purchases and will not tell me about them until he absolutely has to. He borrows money all the time, with out telling me. When the banks quit giving him money, he takes out personal loans from people he works with. He does not tell me he has borrowed money until we have to pay it back. So while I'm thinking everything is going to be ok, it turns out we owe like hundreds some times thousands of dollars that I as unaware of. Its driving me crazy. For a while i had to be in charge of the bills, and they always were paid on time, and we had money to live off of and I never had to worry about things. But now my daughters tuition at school was due, and instead of that being a priority, he borrowed a few hundred dollars for something he needed money for and left finding this months tuition up to me. I am a stay at home mother, and it works most of the time, but he just keeps digging up in a bigger hole. We recently filed for Chapter 7, and he lied to me about that. He lied to get me to the lawyer's office so I had no choice to sign papers. He has also done the same thing when it came to getting our house. He did not give me any information until he needed my driver's license to get things approved. I feel helpless. What are my options? I am starting to hate him over this. We are not even closed on the bankruptcy and he has not only borrowed money from a co-worker, but also took out a student loan for double what he needed. More then double, since he didn't need a loan at all. He school is covered with a pell grant and a G I bill, and he is only going part time, and took out over a $3,000 loan. I am furious. He tried to lie he way out of it saying that he took it out for his summer classes, but with school loans he can't lie to me about because I know more then he does. It feels like Im married to a con man, who takes money from anyone who will give it too him. But he doesn't use it to make things any easier on my or our children, he spends the money on himself. Buying expensive TVs or gaming systems. I did not know he was looking into bankruptcy, and we went got a car. I feel like I"m stealing and I hate it. What am I suppose to do?Not only does he lie to me about where money is coming and going from, but then he tries to blame me for our problems, and makes me sick with guilt over it. Some times i step back and see what he is doing, but he continues to do it over and over and over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): Hi,
First I want to say I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this type of behavior every day. The sad thing is that I know exactly what you are going through as I have been dealing with a very similar situation for the past 17 years.
There are a few things you must do if you intend to try to stay together for your and your children's own protection.
1. take all money out of his reach. for example all bank accounts should be in your name only. no debit cards or credit cards for him.
2. Report to all three credit reporting agencies to say that you think there is a possibility of fraud on both you and your husband's identity. That will make it difficult to open up new accounts in either of your names.
3. check your credit report often.
4. tell friends and family about the problem
5. go to counseling.
Things will not be perfect but with a little team work you can work through the problem.......OR NOT. God Bless you and your family.
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