A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 7 years has left me for another woman and I'm very upset and not sure how I can handle this. My husband had been acting strange the last month or so and I've been worried, but when I ask him what's wrong he would always say he's fine and that there wasn't anything wrong. Our marriage, sex life, etc went on as normal.When I got home from work one day my husband just let everything out. He told me he's been talking to another woman and that he really has a lot of feelings for her and wants to be with her as he feels our marriage isn't working out anymore. He said he never meant to fall for her and that he's sorry. He said he loves me but is not in love with me and hasn't been for some time. When I asked him why he waited so long to tell me all of this, he said he tried to convince himself that he wasn't actually feeling this way and that he thought our marriage was fine. It was a very emotional break up. We both cried and said crazy things. This has all come to a shock to me because he never told me he was feeling like this. We rented a house together and didn't have a lot, so I won't be getting much from the divorce. The material things don't really matter to me anyways. I'll be moving in with my mom, but he's moving in with the other woman and that kills me. I hate the thought of him being with the woman he was unfaithful to me with. I keep asking myself why wasn't I good enough? What makes her better? What does she do for him that I didn't? I did a lot for him and thought I was a great wife..according to him at least. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. How can deal with this? When does the shock go away?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 January 2016):
 I am sorry, that is a lot to try and digest. HE has HAD time to emotionally detach himself from you, you haven't had the same opportunity.
I'd go with a cheap online divorce and do it ASAP. Get it done so you can move on without the baggage of a separation. (and I'd tell him to PAY for it as HE is the one moving on). That is the least he can do.
While it might be hard to be happy about now, don't you think it's better he didn't drag this out for years? At least now you can deal with the grieving process, but also move on to better things.
I don't think this is about you not being good enough ( I know it feels that way) but more him, not being very good at 1. communicating and 2. not a very good husband or partner. I think HE is one of those people who chase the "new car scent" (in relationships) who wants to be in a constant state of honeymoon feelings.
Who knows, he might find out in a few months that this chick is NOT as "greener grass" as he thought, and then it will BE HIS doing.
Chin up honey. Look to the future, not to the past.
You are not the first and won't be the last to have gone through this.
Spend time with friend and family, surround yourself with people who love you and care for you.
Hopefully you have a job, if not... well, time to get out there and get one. And if you do, find a hobby you always wanted to try and take some classes - REDEFINE yourself. Be your own person.
Good luck, you CAN do it!
A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (23 January 2016):
I'm sorry for what you're going through. But it will get better. Don't beat yourself up over it. He wanted something else, and the fact that he's not with you is his loss.
If he really valued the relationship he would have told you whatever problems he seemed to be having before they went out of hand. Basically he was content stringing you along. This is not the type of person who is worthy of your time and affection.
Staying with your mum might be really helpful - it's good that you'll have someone who loves you and cares for you, around at such a difficult time.
It will take time. But you will be fine. Don't get embittered. Take everything one day at a time.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (23 January 2016):
When this is finally over, the only thing you will truly regret is the time you spent wallowing over it.
Any time you waste on him from this point forward is completely up to you, and hence your fault if you do.
Time is our most perishable non-renewable commodity. Once wasted, you never get it back. Proceed accordingly.
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