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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 41 and my husband is 66. We met 13 years ago and have been married for 5 years. We also have an eight year old daughter between us. The problem is we have been having marrital problems and we seem to argue and disagree about almost everything. When we met I was 28 and we was 57 and we enjoyed each other's company and had some things in common but it was not love at first site for me as I had reservations about the age difference however he wooed and charmed me and we started a relationship (too rushed on his part for my liking. I know he loves me, well he says he does but my love love for his is not as strong as his. I dont even know if what I feel for him is love. I just know that at this point in my life i am begining to feel the strains of the age difference we have different outlooks on life whereas he wants to resign to a quiet life (although he has always been quiet but even more so now)I am vibrant and want to do things and go places that he is not prepared to be a part of. Our sex life is practically none existence at the moment and has been for sometime. This has been partly due to his method of approach and other arguments in our relationship. We have now been separated for 6 months and we have recently had discussions about reconcilation the problem is I don't know if I want to go back. I know that I am not getting any joy from the relationship and I want to find true love but I don't know if all the above is a basis for a divorce.
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (7 April 2007):
 I don't know if the above is the basis for a divorce either because you don't mention any real effort on either of your parts to resolve the problem. That doesn't mean there haven't been any, just none that you've told us about.
When there are kids involved and neither parent is being subjected to a dangerous living situation I always believe in trying to make things work for the sake of the kid. After all she didn't ask to be born into your family so the least you can do is try to make sure she has a happy upbringing with both her parents.
Some solutions I would suggest to your above issues, not knowing if you've tried any of them. If he doesn't want to go to places with you go without him or compromise by saying if he comes here with you, you'll go somewhere you don't much want to go with him. The different outlooks on life problem you'd have to explain a bit further for me to offer possible solutions but as for the sex question if you don't like the way he initiates tell him or initiate yourself.
Ultimately this will always be your decision to make but consider your daughter when you're making it.
CD
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