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My husband has a 19 year old female friend! How should I react to this?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

What are you really supposed to do or how do you react when your husband has an 19 year old friend that's the opposite sex? He knows you don't approve of it. But he says that's his friend no matter what nor how you feel. And he's 36 years of age. Help please.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

i am really sorry you have discovered this cheating side of your husband. i know u are hurting and i can feel the devastation you are feeling.

so what happens now. you found out he was having an affair for the last 3 years. is it with this same 19 yr old or with someone else. are u planning on leaving him?

it will be nice to talk to close friends and family to help you through this traumatic time in your life. if u do not/ cannot talk to them, then plse post again, we will give u the moral support you will need.

LoveGirl

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A male reader, soon567 United States +, writes (2 December 2010):

Regardless of what she's doing and for what reason we may not agree on. She deserves respect and she its his friend (lover).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know now that this is done deal. All because him and his. 19 year old friend. I do believe that it is his lover and I'm done.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok thanks so far for the responses. For the update he have known her since she was about 13 years old. My problem is she's a known bust down it you may say a hoe. This OS his niece friend. She sleeps around with older guys for a few dollars and he knows this also. But he manages to only take her to the store or wherever when ok not around. To be honest its even known that he have close family members that even paid het for sex. All I asked is for him too stop taking het anywhere. He refuses. I really do think its more to this than he or she pits on. Be says trust him and o cannot because I also found pit recently he had an 3 year long affair.

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (2 December 2010):

largentsgirl89 agony auntHow did he meet her?

I'm curious as to what they have in common and it kind of irritates me that he is putting his "friend" before his wife's feelings.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (2 December 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt Uhm... at first I was gonna say right away RED FLAG !

But,thinking about my own experience, I guess it all depends how he got this friend ,where and why.

I belong to a group for the study and diffusion of....

it does not really matter, it's not like I want to campaign on dear Cupid. Anyway it's a specific interest group in which I made some friends, or good acquaintances, at least. Among them, also younger males, one of which is younger than my own son. But it's not a cougar thing at all! occasionally we call or email each other about issues concerning the group,or books about the subjects we are into, stuff like that. That may lead to more mundane frivolous chats, -but nothing flirty .

I mean, if your husband happens to be a Civil War buff, or a member of the Rolling Stones fan club ,or something like that, and she is too,- then there is nothing strange or wrong. People do not need to be the same age to get along and share interests.

Other than that...yes,it's suspicious. Did you ask him why is it so important for him to keep this friendship ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

It all depends on how they know each other. I have a few female friends that age and I'm in my 30's. I met them through college but we hang around outside of college too. My girlfriend doesn't mind at all. She actually thinks they're quite cool.

Although I should probably mention my girlfriend is 24 and was 19 when we met.

It really does depend on how he knows her. There is no real age limit on friendships once a person has hit 18.

I mean for me my friendships with those girls are very older brother almost father daughter relationships. I am quite close to one in particular, we do all projects and stuff together she really is a great worker and an asset as a college friend. I return the favour by advising her on boy issues and other such problems she has. My girlfriend wasn't wholly comfortable with this at all at the start until she got to know her, now most of the time we hang out we do so in our place and she even calls over a but early to spend some time chatting with my girlfriend about stuff.

Let us know how he knows her and also why don't you try getting to know her? It might make you more secure about it. But all I can say is there's nothing wrong with a guy or girl being friends with a young adult.

My grandmother had an 18 year old friend she met that helped her with her shopping once so she invited her in for tea and she calls over to my grandmother at least once a week.

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