A
female
age
41-50,
*eedhelp1182
writes:I am recently separated from my husband of 4 years. I dont feel anything for him anymore because he was controling and abusive and did alot of things behind my back that hurt. A couple weeks ago I started a fling with a coworker who I've always taken my work breaks with. We've always enjoyed each others company and have alot in common. Ive always had a little crush on him but never thought to do anything because I was married. I should add the day we first hooked up was a couple months already after I disconnected myself from my husband. Things have been escalating with him. Feelings are growing and I'm slowly realizing this us definatly not just a 'fling' The problem I have to ask you is this.. He has a girlfriend he's been with for along time but they're not in the same country. They have a normal legitimate relationship, minus the everyday physical contact. She doesn't know about me. I'm worried that because my feelings for him are growing I'm just setting myself up to get hurt. But when i've considered just ending what we have I dont want to imagine losing the feelings I feel when I'm with him. An when I'm away from him. I know I can't have him 100%. So what happens when he goes back home to visit her? Accept the terms for which our relationship was founded and just grin and bear it?please help me? Even little trivial problems can be hugeto some people..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): you are still married and he has a girl friend. simple maths here. going nowwhere slowly...........
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): My heart goes out to both you and the long distance girlfriend. Do you think that he has developed feelings for you too? If he has then he clearly needs to make a decision between you and this other woman because it is not fair on either of you otherwise - he shouldn't be able to have you both. If he doesn't feel the same way about you then you really are putting yourself down by being with him. Although you are happy when you're with him, you know deep down that it can't go on like this, don't you? You don't deserve to live with a compromise in such an important area of your life.
You mentioned that your husband did a lot of things behind your back - just like your new man is doing to another woman every time he is with you. Why do you want another man like this anyway?
Good luck with it all, it won't be easy but whatever change you make will make you feel so much better in time...And if he starts being an asshole you can always contact his long distance girlfriend and stir things up for him a bit ;) (in all seriousness, she deserves to know what he is really like too.)
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 Well its going to hard as he has a girlfriend, i think if your serious about this new guy then you need to have that talk with him, see if he wants to be with you and just you, see if he will leave his girlfriend, i dont think you should carry on unless he does this as you dont want to fall deeper for this guy and have to share him with another women! Talk to him if he wants you long term he will leave his current girlfriend, but then your both have that trust issue as you both cheated on your partners!
Good luck!
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