A
female
age
36-40,
*lekin24
writes:I just wanna to swear . I'm miserable wife. People kept saying I'm young cus i will be 28 next month. My husband always having masturbating himself since before married me and still now. We already married for nearly 9 years and this has to stop since he always rejectin me when I ask for sex, last time he ask for sex 7 years ago which is long enough. We have two kids and things still havent improve so that's why i decided to post this up and seek for help to see what i should do thoughout yhe answers. Many time I wanna divorce him Cus I feel not attracting him enough even he said that is not why he having sex himself instead with me. Sametime I don't wanna leave him so I love him alot just not strong enough since he wasnt attract me for sex. I felt so useless for him. How can I have better sex life in marriage?? Tired of being rejecting when I ask him sometime for sex. Why stick with his addict masturbating better than sex with wife instead? I feel like I missed out real sex life in my young age which isn't so fair, feel like a trap in that kind of situation and it's so ugly and lead me depressing and couldn't keep myself pretty such as make up or shopping for nice outfit Cus I feel it pointless if my husband not want me for sex. I don't know how to explain more the pain I had to deal everyday. Please help and hope hear you guys soon. Thanks
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (25 July 2012):
 Alekin24,
I want to throw in a few points on top of what has already been posted.
There is an old saying, A relationship with sex and no marriage will outlast a marriage without sex. There are exceptions to the rule, but it is a good general guideline. Yes a marriage is more than sex but
Sex is the glue that holds it together through temptations and hard times.
Next, masturbation is not substitute sex. It is a whole different craving. Sometimes a person who is unable to get regular sex will use masturbation as a substitution, but a healthy person with regular sex may still crave it. Obviously your husbands problem runs deeper and help is indicated. Either marriage counseling or addiction recovery.
Third I got some help log ago from a book called "the sex starved marriage. It suggested that I tell my partner something like this: You say you love me but when I tell you what I need to be happy, you continue to ignore my needs. When you don't put a priority on my happiness I don't feel that you love me, no matter how much you say you do. It is unreasonable to expect me to remain faithful when my needs are not met and I don't feel loved. I want to be faithful because I do love you , but this is not easy to love and not feel loved.
FA
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 July 2012):
 Id highly suggest professional marriage counseling. Lots of issues here. If it makes u feel better this is one reason im not married im so used to.pleasing myself i take fault for it since i didnt have a body or personality desirable to women.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 July 2012):
 Don't blame your husband and lack of sex for you "letting yourself go" - I can see blaming it on depression, but.... you shouldn't ONLY want to take care of yourself for his sake. You should do it for you.
And there should be more to a marriage then sex. Yes, sex is pretty important, good sex even more so, but... there should still be more to it then sex.
I would suggest you get some help with the depression first. Then once you feel like you are in a better place, sit your husband down and tell him how it feels and what you need from him. If he is willing to work on the marriage and get help for his obvious porn addiction, maybe you two still have something to rebuild on. If he doesn't then maybe it's time for you to move on.
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