A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I'm 25 and I've been dating my g/f for 5 months now. She got pregnant by some one night stand she didnt know when she was 16 and now has a daughter. I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed with her spoiled five year old daughter. Even resentful. Sometimes I find myself just staring at her wishing she didn't exist, because she pretty much ruins an otherwise great relationship. Bad I know, but its how I feel. sometimes she'll share some candy with me and I will think to myself "Okay, maybe shes not so bad." then two minutes later she does something obnoxious that reverts my way thinking. Here is a small list of things she does that annoys the hell out of me.She thinks its cute to fart in peoples faces. At times she CONSTANTLY hits me, climbs on me, and pulls on my clothes. Thinks its cute push me out of the room when I'm talking to her mother. Is persistently loud and unruly. Whines incessantly until she gets her way. Then after being a rude little brat she tries to get me to pick her up. (Which she asks for ALL the time to my annoyance. Do it once and she'll keep on begging!) Today she even punched me in the stomach and proceeded to repeatedly call me chubby. Today after her nap She even followed me from room to room just to annoy me!She misbehaved with me once and then tried to argue with me saying stuff like "Well, thats why I can whatever and you cant...etc" I don’t want to argue with a five year old. It’s unbecoming and inappropriate and as a child I don’t think she should be arguing with adults in the first place, especially when they’re telling her right from wrong or trying to discipline her. She has the habit of talking back constantly and contradicting everything said to her. I’ve witnessed her on numerous occasions even doing so with her mother. Once I was with them in the store and was completely embarrassed by her wild and unruly behavior (climbing paper towel displays, yelling loudly, playing with other people items on the conveyor line, jerking her arm away when i tell her not to, etc). she has the stratagem of asking for a hug after she misbehaves as a way of diffusing the situation and distracting you from her earlier behavior. That doesn’t work on me. A hug doesn’t excuse or change your unacceptable behavior and it doesn’t make me forget. Misbehavior must have consequences, ones that cannot be abra kadbra’d away with a hug.Anyway, I've already brought this up to her mother and she thanked me for saying something. However, I still find myself being annoyed with her antics. Even to the point where i visit her when i know the girl will be asleep. Because otherwise she'll just annoy the fuck outta me. What are your thoughts on this? I need some advice. My moms a teacher so im VERY used to being around children but this girl doesn't know when to stop. it like she has no boundaries or understanding of whats right and wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): I have this same problem with my Girlfriends 15 yr old daughter, hanging on me laying on me. It is very inappropiate. When we are out toghether she rudley tries to squeeze into the middle of us by pushingher way in and stepping and being in my space. When I told my GF this she said to solve the problem I should just walk behind her. She also ssays it is my resposibility to disipline her????? I have 2 grown kids and alothough they are not perfect they do have manners.
A
male
reader, darks  +, writes (12 August 2010):
Il keep this short and simple the kid needs disaplin tell your girl to give the child a time out until she gives in and behaves also ask her what she thinks of you giving her disaplin no need to shout or smack her just carry on giving the child a time out untill she knows whos boss!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Run far away from the mother. She allows the misbehavior from her daughter and as she gets older she will become a bigger brat. I'm serious you'll always take a backseat to her defiant daughter. I'm a woman myself and raising other people's children is definitely different than your own. You'll be allowed very little say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): The child does not have ADHD (good lord, what is this? The 1950's? Does no one take the time to seriously learn what a disease is before giving a self-diagnosis? The next thing I'll read is that a woman having chest pains couldn't possibly be having a heart attack, it's just anxiety).Everyone who said that the child is looking for attention is right!And the reader who said you knew what you were getting into nailed it. Several have already told you this is a packaged deal. The girl is not going away, so you might as well get over the "she is ruining an otherwise perfect relationship" deal.To be fair, you don't have experience with children (your mom taught honey, not you), so this is very new to you. A lesson in Psychology 101 (anyone who went to college will know this): a child will learn their most important life skills in the first 5 years. This girl has likely been thrown into one regurgitated relationship after another. Her mom's a slut and a failure of a parent (sorry dude, open your eyes), but that is not the girl's fault. The cold fact is this: Love the mom, love the daughter. If you love the mom, but not the daughter, leave now and save the girl additional trauma (I highly doubt the 5 months you've been together will have any sort of lasting impact on the girl). You are not less of a man for leaving, but the whole lot of you sound like a bunch of whiny school kids. Frankly, I find both you and the mom annoying, and if I was an evil overlord, I'd take the child from both of you and raise her in stable, caring environment. However, luckily for everyone, I don't have that kind of power, so we're all stuck with whatever decision you and your lady, who would have a better chance finding out who child's father is via a random lottery pick than her own memory.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): This is a classic case of attention seeking!!
this poor girl doesnt know which way to turn!! you have only been on the scene for 5 months and whereas i think its ok that you have been introduced and made part of her life, it will take her time to adjust to having a new man in her and her mums life!! Before you, she probably got all the attention all the time. now mummy has somebody else in her life that she has to compete with to get attention!!
what you need to do is respect their boundaries. make sure you give them plenty of mummy/daughter time without you in the picture. Then when you spend time together, make sure you make her feel special. read her a bedtime story, do arts and crafts with her. Just have fun with her. praise her at every opportunity, even for the small things like sitting nicely at the table or playing nicely. if she does something naughty, ignore it!! if you react to the negative behaviour you are just reinforcing it.
Discuss with her mum the possibility of a 'naughty corner'.
WHen this girl is naughty---ask her nicely to stop misbehaving. If she does it again give her a proper warning "if you do that one more time you will go to the nauhty corner". If she does it again, take her to the naughty corner (anywhere in the house that is boring and uninteresting), get down to her level and tell her that she is there for whatever she did that was naughty and she needs to sit there until you tell her she can move (usually 1 minute for each year of their life). LIkelihood is she wont stay there so each time she moves away, you go and take her hand and put her back without saying anything to her. keep doing it. she will eventually get the message. then when she has stayed her full 9 minutes or whatever, you go to her, get down to her level and say something like "i put you in the naughty corner because you were hitting me (or whatever she has done) and that is unacceptable." then you get her to say sorry and you have a hug. then you go off and play and pretend nothing has happened!!
Parenting is difficult, especially when its someone elses child who you dont necessarily bond with very quickly. If you cant hack it then you need to leave. they are a package deal. But just be reassured this sounds like classic behaviour and this girl just needs to know her boundaries.
good luck xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 This is hilarious. But get one thing, her daughter acts this way because her mom lets her! So if you are mad, get mad at the mother, not the 5 year old. Children can be disiplined. But, has the mother concidered ADHD? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention-deficit_hyperactivity_disorder
Children who crave so much attention, are loud, hit and punch... that sounds like my cousin who has ADHD and the kids I grew up around who had it. Mostly this behaviour is observed in boys and not girls though. But it could be worth getting a check up. Also does the mother give her coffee? She sounds hyper and not calm, which could be a result from too much sugar/things she shouldn't be eating or drinking like coffe or sodas.
Bottom line is, you are an adult as well, and even if you are not this girls father, you have the right to demand respect. It's not the same as you disiplining her, it's about you showing her what she can and can not do when around you. If your gf leaves you alone with her daughter to baby-sit or something, and this happens frequently, you have every opportunity to disipline this child into how she may or may not behave in your precense.
Children are not that stupid. They catch on to the drift, and only push the limits as far as they know they can. Her mom is letting her out of hand. Perhaps discuss a disiplinary strategy together since you are a part of this girls life now too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): It sounds like the kid is crying out for some attention. Maybe she doesnt get much positive attention so she is acts up and misbehaves just to be noticed in any way, positive or negative? Your not her dad, so I understand it isn't really your job to fix it, but try and notice when she does something good and praise and encourage her for it, while acting disinterested when she displays negative behaviour. She'll soon recognise that good behaviour gets her the attention she wants and will start acting accordingly. At the end of the day, shes only five so she doenst really understand the deal with you and her mom, she may be feeling insecure and confused about it. Tell your girlfriend to do a little research about child discipline and start setting some boundaries.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): you sound jealous to me.
you knew what you were getting yourself into before. you knew she had a child.
all this behaviour, it's what children do! they're young & they're acting like any other kid.
& as for her mother spoiling her, she's her only daughter, she's probably her pride & joy.
you just sound like an inconsiderate boyfriend who only thinks about yourself.
i also don't think your girlfriend would appreciate you ripping her parenting skills! if you don't like it, you know where to go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): My brother in law had a very similar situation. He married my friend who already had two kids. By then they were 5 and 6 but they tormented the hell out of him. He is african and he had grown up with a good sense of discipline. These kids are pretty wild all round. Still having tantrums. Their mum didnt know how to handle it so she generally ignored it. He decided to take matters into his own hands and start disciplining them. Although their mum wanted help she couldnt handle him being hard on them. To cut a long story short they r now getting divorced! So my advice is that its the mothers job to teach right from wrong. But it doesnt sound like she is doing it. if you try it might just backfire. Consider whether this is the right relationship for u.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 All well and good that your girlfriend thanked you for bringing it to her attention, ... but what is she doing about it?
Sounds like this child has never really been disciplined, so I doubt the mother is about to start now. If she does not teach her manners and curtail bad behaviour then this kid is ony going to get worse and worse.
Something for you to perhaps consider as part of your long term plans with your girlfriend.
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