A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do to keep my relationship going now, let alone a future of marriage.Short story is that we are from two different countries, her parents/family don't agree with her being with a foreigner for the obvious reasons. That I can't give her what she needs and protect her. They want her to go back to their home city in the next couple of months.I can feel my girlfriend is under pressure and she often takes it out on me in needless arguements. She also still has feelings for her ex who cheated on her, last night she found out he is marrying the same girl next year, she cried and told me already what I knew, that the continued pressure of her family and that her heart wasn't fully mine. I know she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me, but she is trying to push me away.I need to solve these problems, but I have no idea what to do. I can't communicate with her parents yet and never answered the calls from her ex.She often deletes his constant calls to protect me, she has pretty much never been the one to call him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Dear OP,
She is still emotionally attached to her ex who cheated on her. Her heart is not full yours as you say. She may like you and not want to hurt you but I’m not sure I would go as far as saying she loves you. You love her, clearly…. And therefore you want her to love you back. And yet she’s not ready to.
She’s still grieving her ex leaving her. (whether she left him due to cheating or he left her, he checked out of the relationship first) and she’s feeling pressure from her family.
She’s still in constant contact with her ex? (whether he calls her or she calls him is irrelevant at this point)… if she accepts his calls she’s not over him.
I do not think there is much hope for your relationship until she works through her feelings about her ex.
Once she's no longer conflicted about him, then she can have the strength to deal with her parents.
sadly neither of these things are issues you can tackle for her.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 1. Considering the obstacles; do you WANT to "keep the relationship going?" If yes, then proceed.....
2. The "obvious reasons" ... "....That I (you) can't give her what she needs and protect her." Are they true and valid? If yes, then what are YOU going to do to change that?
3. The remainder of your submittal is a litany of a young woman who really doesn't know "who she is" and "where she is going".... relative to her parents (who seem to have quite a choker on her...) and her "ex-", who, apparently, she hasn't left in her past.
Give this LOTS of thought about YOUR best future. TALK to her about the contents of this submittal.... AND, if you and she really ARE meant "to be together"... then the best course of action will come from that conversation... AND you and she will have a road-map of a future together...
Good luck....
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