A
male
age
36-40,
*k202
writes:So, I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now. we're in our early 20s. She's my first and the relationship seemed really good at first. We would spend time together but over the past few months she's changed. She throws tantrums and takes out her daily stresses on me, she says that she can't help it. In the past there was drama dealing with her sexual history (due to the fact that it was constantly brought up by her, and at the time I was a virgin so I was pretty beat up over hearing about it constantly). I was depressed for months on end and she constantly tried to force it out of me when I just wanted to deal with it on my own. She got angry with me saying that I'm supposed to "Get over it" that she's "sorry" and all this. Yet, she bragged to a female friend online with me about how she can get guys to come home with her. Then she got mad at me for being hurt by this...anyway... things have been up and down. She's pregnant and one day we both come home and she just yells at me and blames me for everything. She never apologized and slammed the door! So, just the other day an old friend of mine (who i haven't seen in ages) comes into town. I tell her that I'm going to hang out with him, she's at work. So, I had a lil' much to drink but I barely ever drink. So I come home and she yells at me, screams breaks things, pushed me into the shower. I can't deal with the over emotional mood swings. she'll pick at me (softly hit) after such an event...she was like this before she got pregnant...it makes me depressed and i'm gonna talk to my doc soon. I've talked to older women and men about this and they tell me that I did nothing wrong. And that there was no reason for her to act like this...I'm just sorry to say that I regret getting her pregnant because I fear for my poor child's health. I'm torn between wanting to end it and hanging on...either way that child (if the poor things survives) is a part of me and I'm gonna be in his/or her life.)
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male
reader, ak202 +, writes (4 September 2008):
ak202 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, I talked to my gf about the night she was angry with me. She told me that I was lucky not to get beaten up that night. This totally shocked me because she said that even if she wasn't pregnant she would have reacted the same...I told her that I didn't understand the need for violence and the anger. Then she got mad and gave me the "when I say do this you do it" speech I'm not being controlling" yet never literally said that she was being controlling...I've asked her to try to calmly approach situations yet we have the same cycle of her promising to change but always using anger, tantrums and the like to deal with it. She tries to place the blame on me in same way. When something bothers me I dare not speak it to her, she gets angry with me, puts me down...She fakes her crying. In the past this led to me apologizing to her and her feeling satisfied with my submission. However, now I don't react that way. Because I seconded guessed that I may be in a controlling relationship... I've spoken to a psychiatrist, my current counselor, family and friends and they all tell me the same thing...that I was right. They pointed out things in her that I already saw and told me that I was trying to ignore it. Which I was... :( She checks my phone to see who I've called and texted, the other day she sat in the room to see who I was talking to online. (which I was talking to a friend about my situation) She tells me to stop talking about her. Its like I have to erase everything because I fear she'll check it. In a relationship it SHOULDNT BE THIS WAY!! :( Its my first relationship...its sad that it ended up like this. But I would like to thank everyone for the advice. So now I'm seeing a counsellor every week, this really helps me deal. I'm more concerned for my kid than me though.
A
female
reader, oneeyeopenoneeyeclosed +, writes (31 August 2008):
Doesn't anyone go to couple's counseling anymore?Emily is right, you can't just walk away, there is a baby involved. I understand that relationships sometimes have to dissolve, even if there are children, and maybe you will have to eventually, but try not to give up until you have exhausted all avenues. Your baby needs support from mom and dad. Shoot for the best case scenario....go to counseling...communicate...help your girlfriend learn how to cope better and learn how to work on your relationship and family.Congratulations on your baby. I can tell you're going to be a great father. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 August 2008):
She's pregnant - that does crazy things to your brain - you try having enough hormones washing round you to physically alter your body and grow a clone.
Tell her you can't take much more of this and need some space then go and sleep on a friend's couch. Tell her when she is calm and willing to talk then she should call you. Refuse to talk to her unless she is calm.
If she sees she is going to lose you then she will probably try a lot harder to take her anger and everything out on a pillow rather than you.
There is a baby involved here. You can't just walk away any more. you have to try and work things out.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): You sound like a good guy who is being badly treated. She sounds a bit crazy. If I were in your shoes I'd run! Like the other post said if you leave be there for your child and for her in as much as it affects your child, but that's it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): P.S. After you break up with her, DO NOT under any circumstances get back with her. I don't care if she gave the universe's best blow job, it won't be worth it. The likelihood that she has the capacity and the will to examine herself and correct her personality is small if at all existent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Well, obviously you are not happy, and no matter how you cut, the relationship is far from healthy. The last line of your post sums it: let the Amazon roam free. If you stay, the environment (which sounds like it would be chaotic on some level as long she's in it) will be even more chaotic, b/c your unhappiness will become another factor in it. And to raise a child in that type of situation is criminal, especially if it can be toned down, if not completely avoided. You should (unfortunately) maintain contact with her in order to do your part as the father of the child. And honestly, be sure the child is yours if you aren't absolutely secure about it's paternity. You should also make sure that all arrangements and agreements are in writing and are as unambiguous as possible.Good luck.
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