A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 29 and living with my girlfriend, 34, and her two boys 10 and 12.We have been together over a year now and i realise now that she doesnt want any more children and i do.She has had her boys and now want some time of her own, which i understand.But it leaves me thinking whether i love her enough to stay. or should i go and start a new life looking for what i really want. I love her and dont want to give up on what we have but feel this will keep eating away at me.Whats your advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): well, I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys (4 and 13) I don't want any more children. My boyfriend of one year is now realizing that he does... I am so helpless and hurting about this. But I have to let him go. If he needs to have a baby maybe the fact that he is in love with me, is not enough.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): Iam in a similar situation, I am now 49 male, girlfriend of 10 years two kids, this problem was swept under the carpet by both of us and to be honest it doesnt go away.
We are now on verge of splitting up as Iam starting to feel resentful and I dont like myself for it.
Hope you can work it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): Why not be a father to the two children she already has? I see nothing in you letter to keep you from being a great dad to them. Love matters a lot more than DNA to a kid so either accept her kids as your own or leave the person you say you love for a womb to carry on your genetics.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 My boyfriend went through the same thing, right about at the same age. He was with an older woman who had 2 kids. He knew he wanted a child of his own, and that he would never marry this woman and have a child with her, but he stayed anyway. He was with her for about 6 or 7 years. By the time they finally broke up he was at an age where most of the women in his dateing catagory were already married with kids or divorced with kids and done. Single women who want kids were now 'too young' for him, he was an 'old man' to them. He is 46 years old now and still wants a child, but the chances of that happening are very small and he regrets it terribly. Right now you are at the time in your life when it is time to start a family. You need to really think carefully if in 10 or 20 years you will regret not having a child of your own, because by then it may be too late.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2007):
 This is a very tough situation. I assure you that if you truly want to have a child and she refuses, then you will resent her for it down the road. If after you discuss openly and honestly about another child and she still says that she doesn't want anymore children, you should move on. In this day and age of multiple marriages this problem surfaces quite a bit, you are definitely not alone.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Hi hun,
I understand both points of view here babes, you really need to let her know how you really are feeling and let her know that your scared this will slowly eat away at you.
There is no easy answer here one has to give for the other but it must be what you both want....
Its a tough one and I do hope you can both sort it out otherwise it may mean parting as you both want different things in life!!!!!!
All the best babes
Love Donna xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 I'm afraid that you need to be very, very sure of what you want. This is an issue you need to solve now; if you sweep it under the carpet, it will only grow worse.If you must have a child, well, she's not the one to give that to you, and it's obvious what you need to do. She will feel very bad about it, but, you know, I've seen this: people think they can go well without a child, then years later they find they can't, they cheat, and everyone is worse off.Blunt terms for a hard situation; but at least these are clear guidelines.Good luck.
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