A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, I've always noticed that my girlfriend dresses attractively when she goes out with her friends(of course,this includes guy friends),but when she's with me,its always t-shirt and jeans,in fact she only wears the same 3 or 4 t-shirts over and over again..i've tried talking to her about it,and the answer I always get is that she doesn't have any other new clothes..and when I see her dressing attractively in her photos with her friends,I would ask something like"hey i've never seen you in those before,is it new?".and the reply I always get is"oh that,nope,i got it a long time ago,didn't had the chance to wear it".This has been bothering me for a very long time. And everytime it happens,I get really upset because i feel like she lied to me about not having any other clothes.I really do love her but sometimes I wonder whether she feels the same towards me..what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 ya know it's true I prefer comfort to dressing up but I always make sure to have pretty sexy matching bra and panties on and make sure my man sees them even if it's under the jeans and sweat shirt....
and I make sure he sees me when I get home if i'm in a skirt and heels (his preference)
it's really uncomfortable to be in stockings heels and a short skirt.... but many girls do it for their partner.
have you ASKED her nicely why she does not dress up for you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): This is because she is comfortable with you. Every woman I have ever dated has been the same. She comes home from work looking delicious and then changes into baggy sweats. She goes out with you in jeans and a t-shirt, but meets her friends in a short skirt and tight top. It's just how women are. I have somewhat of a fetish with stockings and I dated a teacher once. She always wore a skirt, heels, and stockings to work. I never saw her in them, because she'd change the moment she got home into grubbies. I hated this.I realized two things:1. I can hardly complain if I sit on the couch in jeans and a t-shirt myself. Are you also dressing up for her?2. I could encourage her by buying her sexy clothes and giving her an excuse to wear them. One girlfriend never wore heels. I love heels. She said they hurt her feet. I told her she looked great in them. So we made it a mission to find some heels and boots that she felt good in. It cost me a lot of money and most shoes were over $100 and the boots over $200. However, she loves them, feels good in them, and wears them. It was a good investment. I learned the same with lingerie. When your girl wears tattered bras and panties take her out and buy her what she likes. You will find she's not buying "Hanes" when you take her to the lingerie department at Nordstrom.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 November 2011):
 For the life of me I do not know why, but some girls think guys are more attracted to girls who only ever wear T-shirts with jeans. Maybe some are.
I'm not one of them.
Give me a girly dress or a girly skirt any time. Plus some really nice perfume and body lotion and I am happy.
And I love the revival of the flirty 50s dresses and the gorgeous 1950s inspired fabric with prints at the hem like Italian street scenes. More please.
Just don't expect my mind set to be Stepford wives of 1950s or 60s or whenever that was. I like a relationship with more spirit and equitable choices and healthy frank discussions between the couple.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut I don't understand, why does she have to feel threaten?what is there to be threaten about?she's afraid she can't impress her guy friends?I really don't understand the reverse psychology thing
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
when she goes out with her friends she dresses up right?
when she goes OUT with you does she not dress up?
when I am with my man and we are just home.. it's sweats and jeans... nothing dressy... running around errands.. jeans... no heels.. and he has to deal with it.
IF he wants me dressed up it's DATE NIGHT time... and he has learned... he hates me in pants but I wear them to work.. and he makes a face when I get home. OH WELL...
I have given him free reign to "suggest" my date night outfits only.
are you taking her out and she still dresses badly?
maybe offer to take her to dinner and ask her if she could wear "xyz outfit that you saw her in picture abc" just make sure that the dinner is at an appropriate place. I would not wear heels and a dress to fast food...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): What you're not understand here is the reverse psychology of women!
Women dress up when they feel a bit threatened and competitive. E.g. nights out. It's not about getting attention from guys as much as a kind of defence against the publicness of the event. Often, as one of the other posters said, it's about impressing women, not men.
Women dress down when they feel truly comfortable. When your girlfriend is in her jeans around you, it means that she cares about you, and she trusts you to love her for who she is. Think very carefully before you wreck that trust.
I do understand that it can be fun to dress up, but there is something a bit neanderthal about your assumption that she should sit around the house in sexy, tight clothes and high heels. If you want to see her in a nice dress, maybe you need to take her to a place that requires it... and that means shelling out some cash of your own!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): That is one of my pet peeves. When one party in the relationship has made the effort to dress appropriately for a date, depending on the choice of venue, and the other party looks like they have not bothered, then that always bothers me too.
I believe that a couple in syc with values and attitudes to many things they agree on makes for more harmony.
And when you make the effort to dress smartly and she does not then I would feel exactly the same way.
Some people seem to enjoy going out of their way to turn up looking ragged. As if their presence alone is the major bonus for everyone. But dressing appropriately is a courtesy to your partner and it does not feel good when the courtesy if not reciprocated.
Reminds me of a friend who told us about a date that never got off the ground as the venue was formal and she was dressed appropriately but the guy did not get it. He had turned up looking like he'd been sanding his boat all day (and probably had)
And due to his attitude to dressing appropriately one too many times she showed him the door.
When a couple arrive together at a function, looking really good, and complement each other and style and classy good presentation they really create a buzz in the room. The sum of the two together is greater again than the two as individuals. It is lovely to see a couple who both want to support each other and both want to work in sync together demonstrating what a strong team they are together.
If it's worth doing it's worth doing well. And dressing well feels good and looks good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we don't live together and when we see each other,we always have our clothes on because we've talked and decided that we'll not have sex until we're married. And the situation I was referring to in the question is when i take her out for a date. And yes,I do wear to impress her,she loves to see me wearing long sleeve collar shirts like those people wear to formal events and I often wear them. And she always turn up with the usual t-shirts and jeans,and you can imagine how weird it feels when you dresss up real nice and your date turns up in her usual attire..
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 November 2011):
1.she is spending more on her clothes than she would like to admit - her 'going out' clothes. Her answer is the classic one when girls try to make out it is 'old' when really 'new'.
2. she is feeling a tad guilty about how much she IS spending on clothes. Hiding clothing expenditure always gets revealed in the end. Are the two of you saving up for something important and so she is hesitant to be real with you about what she does spend on clothes? Try to be the one to suggest next time, 'hey, you'd look great in that skirt! Come on. Shall we go halves, if you'll try it on first, to aee if you like it?
Give her permission to let loose in front of you, when spending money.
Did you ever complain that there is no wardrobe space left?
Or, worse case scenario are her credit cards far more maxed out than you realise?
3. Much more likely she is comfortable and relaxed with you. Maybe too relaxed from your point of vew. And she feels very secure with you. So she dresses as she pleases. This is who she is.
But it feels like she is taking you for granted.
And that does not make you feel loved and appreciated.
4. Have a look on line for the sort of clothing you would like to see her wearing at home. Download some catalogues. Circle what you like.
Then put the catalogue on the table and ask her to choose 4 things up to a max total of $X dollars.
When she has chosen buy them for her for Christmas and label them the 'at home' clothing.
5. I don't know why she is dressing to impress her friends. Maybe that is an issue to explore.
Because if you think her dressing is boring and repetitive at hime I can understand why you feel aggrieved.
You are not asking her to wash the dishes in a beaded silk top.
You are just asking for a happier selection of interesting at home wear.
Sure if she is doing a job at home that might require covering up her nice at home clothing.
But there is still leisure time at home.and your request sounds entirely reasonable to me.
You, of course, are returning the favor too. No doubt, and dressing extra nicely too?? Sorry, i had to ask.
No sweat pants and flip-flops?
Good, i thought you would do your best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): When she is with you, are you guys hanging out alone at one of your homes? How often are her clothes actually ON while you are together? These are two important questions you should ask yourself. Otherwise, remember that women tend to dress for other WOMEN and not necessarily to impress men. Sometimes it might seem like they are looking for attention from men, but a lot of the time it is just to impress other girls. If you aren't taking her on dates and out in public, she probably doesn't see the need to get fancy. The fact that she is saying "I didn't have the chance to wear it" indicates to me that she is talking about some sort of social or public event, and not on the couch with you. For a girlfriend to be comfortable around you in the basics is actually a good sign and means she trusts you not to solely be judging her on her looks anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I have to admit I am guilty of this one, but only because I feel truly comfortable with my boyfriend and because, when I go out without him, dressing up is a big part of the fun and also feels like one of few times when I have a slightly different "me" to the one that i am with him - because we live together and also we kind of work in the same building we know each other inside out. I do often dress up when we both go out together with other people though, and he loves this and so do I. I honestly don't think there is any harm at all in what your girlfriend is doing. that said, I see where you are coming from as well. One thing that I think could help is if don't pressure her but maybe take her to places where you really do need to dress up and/or you ask your girlfriend to help you to choose clothes for yourself - in that way you are making it easier for you to approach the subject of how she dresses around you. You could also buy her some new casual clothes - T-shirts but ones that you find a bit sexier for example? Tread gently and I am sure you will be rewarded.
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A
female
reader, monacons  +, writes (29 November 2011):
Maybe your girlfriend just feels comfortable around you and that you dont care if her makeup/hair is done to perfection thats a good thing right?, im a girl and i know it takes a very long time for a girl to feel comfortable with herself around a boy.. I dont think it is bad if she feels comfortable around you being herself isn't that all that matters?...
Maybe you should take her out to places more and give her a excuse to dress up and look good for u
Good luck Hope this was helpful!!
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