A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I will start off by saying that I am very kind to my girlfriend. I treat her with respect, because that is how I believe women should be treated.When I am away from her, she tells me how much she misses me, and wants to be with me, loves me etc.Then when we are together, its as if I don't even exist. She gets a very short fuse with me. I don't even try to make her mad or anything. For example, today we saw a policeman, and she went on to say how much she hated the county police because she got in trouble with them. I suggested that maybe she should be thankful, because it helped her turn her life around. She got pissed at me because of it. It was an unimportant subject in the first place.I feel that I am disrespected at times. How much is too much? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, maverick  +, writes (29 April 2007):
 Hello mate,
From what you say it seems to suggest she has difficulty in communicating and being around you in person. But when you are apart she can feel more comfortable expressing herself - sounds like she can retain some emotional distance this way.
With two behaviours that are distinctly different (which sounds like it) then you could try speaking with her about it. You may want to conisder talking to her in person or at a distance (I'm guessing phone?) although I recommend in-person.
Generally build your lines "I feel (emotion) because of (event) and I would like to (question)". Avoid making her the source of problem at least in the conversation.
"You make me feel crap when you ignore me then shout at me for some random stuff. I want you to stop doing it!" is directing a lot of blame instead of "I feel crap because at times when I am around you I feel you ignore me. I would like to know how do you feel about this? What can we do?".
From here you two will need to communicate how you are feeling and why. Develop an understanding so you know why she acts the way she does, then work form there. Now there is a chance that she could react badly to your attempts to address this issue. If she doesn't seem willing to help the situation, gets defensive or irrate then you should re-consider you approach or walk away. Yes I said walk away.
Having a great level of communnication is essential to any relationship. In this case, her lack of it has made you unhappy enough to write this question and will continue to make feel more unhappy if you continue. You should seriously consider your interests here too.
Just please look after yourself.
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