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male
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anonymous
writes: I think my girlfriend may be smothering me slightly but im not sure. In the past year and a half we have literally put 'Love you' after every single text we send even when we text 10 times in 5 minutes...And I have gotten to the point I hate doing it and would much rather say it in nice moments at other times. However my girlfriend confronted me about it and got very insecure but I reasurred her and it was fine. Now I don't put 'Love you' after every text but she still does and I totally think that its false, to be honest. Then a few days after she mentioned a 'pact' that I'd apparantly signed when I was 16 that I'd 'love her forever' and she has apparantly kept this and said that 'I'm holding you to that!' and pointed her finger at me when she said it but laughed slightly to cover it up. She has also said that she would chase after me and get her mum to have a word with me if I finished with her. And now whenever I go home after being at hers she kisses me and says 'Love you' and I say it back and then she says it again five times over and won't let me go. But she has sort of agreed that you don't have to put 'Love you' after each text you send as she has asked her mates and her friends and they said she is 'Stupid' or somthing silly.I feel shes either insecure or shes smothering me? What is it? Confused...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): What you have said in your last post is called emotional blackmail. She wants you to be affectionate and cannot accept it when you don't show it because it is all to do with control, control over you because she basically needs to be told she is loved all the time, this ties in with her own self-esteem. I am afraid you are going to get pretty frustrated if you have this yo-yo relationship, it must be incredibly draining for you. I think you should talk to her and tell her how much you feel for her but that you don't like her behaviour if she doesn't do what you say. She needs a lot of confidence boosting so keep that in mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I agree. The thing is she is insecure and sarcastic with me and when I reasure her its fine she doesn't really listen and then makes the situation awkward when we next speak for me because I don't really feel like love and affection after she has basiacally accused me of being 'off with her' however she turns it around and tries to convince me that im in fact going off her when i don't feel like showing love and affection when in fact she is making the situation awkward by accusing me. Understand?
I really don't know whats up with her I certainly do think that the relationship has gotten in a rut and too comftable which is why im thinking like this.
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female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (21 May 2007):
Ok I agree saying I love you actually removes the 'mojo' out the meaning, know what I mean. My Dad says to be at the end of every conversation, 'ok lots of love, bye' it has become such a common thing for him to say that he actually said this at the end of a business call with one of his staff. He didn't actually realise he said it. We all said to him afterwards, 'so lots of love X' and he looked at us and said what do you mean and we all said you've just told your staff member lots of love...that's when you know it is like 'Hi, hello how are you?" People say it all the time here at supermarkets, at checkouts 'Hi how are you' and sometimes you want to say, well Im having a crap day and how are you?' they are expecting fine thanks or good or whatever...just stop doing it at the end of your texts as it becomes meaningless and tell her why. Tell her, or each other you love each other when you mean it rather than just a 'how are you...'it means a helluva lot more...do you get what I mean? I can see an I love you from my own brother just by the way he looks at me when I see him. And no there is nothing weird going on, we just have love and respect for each other and from time to time we tell each other what we feel...I told him mother's day how proud I was of him particularly as our Mum died 3 years ago and he is only 16. So we are close and we tell each other everything and when he says I love you and usually punches me in the arm, as his term of affection for me, I know he really means it, the I love you not the punch in the arm! Tell your girlfriend terms such as I love you and you are special etc are things that aren't like taking a breath everyday...Get what I mean?
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 It sounds like she is paranoid that you're going to break up with her. If she feels the need to remind you that she loves you constantly, something probably is nagging at her. It sounds like some sort of rumor might have been told to her, making her really insecure, and worrying her enough to think that she would lose you. She also seems paranoid in the sense that she's threatening to get her family involved. It seems like she may be smothering you. You need to sit her down, and tell her that if she loves you, she needs to respect the fact that you're human and need space.
DV1
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