A
female
age
36-40,
*wah
writes:Hey, i have a slightly complicated situation at hand. i started dating this guy back in January. we get on really well and he even moved to my city so we could see eachother more. but recently the relationship is hurting me a little. he used to take me out clubbing and take me for drinks alot. but its been a few months since he has taken me out. i didnt mind it at first but past few weeks i noticed that he goes out alot. i dont mind him going to watch the football with his friends or going for a drink with his friends. but when hes going out 3 or 4 times a week and going clubbing at my fav club without me but with his friends and their girlfriends. then its bugging me. i feel as tho maybe hes embarrased of me. maybe he doesnt want to spend time with me. i see him once a week at his flat even though he lives less that 5 mins from me and i cross his street every single day. wen i asked him why he doesnt take me out.. he had said that he has things on his mind and if he takes me out he doesnt want me to stress and he wants all his attention on me. but it jus upsets me more when i know hes out and im at home alone. so people how can i sort this out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): I don't think you'll solve your relationship problem by playing childish games with him. In fact you'll probably make things worse.
It seems to me like this guy just doesn't want to commit to you. He's at that age where going out with friends can be more attractive and fun than being with a partner.
Unless your boyfriend wants to spend time with you, there is nothing you can do, or say, that will change his behaviour.
I realise you've already talked to him, but I'd suggest you talk to him again what you expect from a boyfriend and how him going out without you upsets you. Perhaps your boyfriend will want to change for you, perhaps he won't. But if your boyfriend does nothing to change things, then rather than continue trying to change him, perhaps you need to accept that the relationship just isn't going to work out? Perhaps it is a case of right guy, wrong time?
- Also - this isn't a case that "men are dogs" but rather you're with someone who wants to live a more single life, rather than one in a committed relationship. That has nothing to do with him being a guy, it is more something to do with being a teenager.
A
female
reader, seniorgirl08  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Well it sounds to me that he either has something to hide from you, or that he really is embarassed of you.
Sad to say honey, but men are dogs. In the end they always are. It isn't right that he is treating you this way and thinking that you'd be okay with it.
Okay, so here is what I would do, and trust me it works. The simple words of "two can play the game" comes in handy for times like these.
Don't act like you care all that much or he'll think he got you exactly where he wants you. Keep "him" wondering. Go out with your friends partying whenever and wherever you like. Don't call to let him know, and don't ask him. You do exactly what he is doing. and trust me, if it was meant to be, then he will realize what a "butt" of himself he is making, and then he will apologize and work through things, and if it wasn't meant to be, then honey! you do not need him.
xoxoxo
ash
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