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male
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anonymous
writes: Yesterday after a long hard days work I was pretty tired but still went out with my girlfriend and our two mates. As I was the main driver driving a far way back and forth and dropping everyone off I was pretty tired and ready for bed. However my girlfriend started crying at the end of the night and said that I was 'being off with her'. When I asked why she said 'When I was messing around you told me to be quiet and behave etc etc. And she also said that I had been texting her shorter texts that day and the days before and not putting 'Love you' after every text despite us texting constantly for 10 minutes. And she started crying for this. I was really confused.She also was crying at the fact I might not be able to go to her house tonight because I have college work to complete and I'm also too tired from working to drive to hers.She also has not been to my house now for 4 weeks and deson't show any interest in coming again since I passed my driving test. She is making this so obvious and I feel sometimes I'm the only one making the effort because she is never dressed when I go to her house.Sorry for babbling on but I have been stressed over this and even bought on an abcess on my gum because of it.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 It sounds a bit like you're getting over the initial 'high' of being with each other. This is totally normal and natural, but it takes some adjusting to. Relationships can break down at this point, when two people realize they didn't have as much in common as they thought they did.
I suggest you put what has happened recently behind you and make a promise with yourself to put more energy and commitment into the relationship. Take extra steps to show your appreciation of and attraction to your girlfriend (assuming you do feel this...?). Remind her (through talking) that you like her and care about her, and want to be with her. She should pick up on this and hopefully return the gestures, and your relationship will start to improve.
As for the text messages, i suggest programming 'xxx' into your T9 dictionary. Then at the end of every message type 'x' once, and it should auto-complete it as 'xxx'. Problem solved ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): okay don't stress. it sounds like she is self-concious or possibly depressed. she is upset about little things, lethargic, not wanting to get dressed/showered, and i sense that you don't live alone and she is avoiding being face to face with whomever you do live with, most likely family.
whatever it is, it's surpassable. DO NOT tell her you think there is something wrong with her because it will NOT go over well and it will make her feel worse. Make a personal note of it, realize she needs to overcome this for herself, be patient, and gently help along the way.
do not feel guilty about your actions if she complains, unless of course you are being a jerk. believe me, if she is complaining about the length of your text messages, than she is looking for more attention from you and not pushing you away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): This is one of those questions that would be interesting to hear the other side of the story. You should talk to your girlfriend about this. It's the only way you are going to deal with whatever is making her and you unhappy. Talk to her. Any good relationship must be based on good communication to work out. If you can do this, I am sure you will feel much better!
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