A
female
age
41-50,
*israble
writes:I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy, he is the father of our three kids, we started dating in high school over 13 years ago. Recently he told me that if i dont start trusting him he's going to leave. I agree with what he said about how i am and i do not have a reason not to trust him, i just dont have the ability. i question everything he does, i know i shouldn't but thats how its been for thirteen years and it was never a problem now he wants me to change. This makes it worse because now im wondering why out of no where, he wants to go and do with out having to let me know anything. I do not want to lose me husband and i love him dearly but how do i change what i've been for so long, where do i get the abiliity to trust and stop questioning? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (7 May 2007):
 You know, sometimes people need a little freedom...ESPECIALLY in a committed relationship. Just to go and do without having to take the extra to 'report' in. Sometimes I get so stressed that I need to do that from time to time. Maybe he is very stressed now and your constant challenging is just too much when before the kids came along, he probably liked it because it kept him on his toes and made him feel secure...in a sick way.
How to stop being so overbearing? Just stop being selfish, try to feel past your own nose. Try some compassion for how he's feeling. That "me, me, me" attitude gets old...times the length of time he's been putting up with it. Its never too late for him to draw the line. Good for him.
If you don't change and hold on too tight when he needs some room, you might loose him altogether. I like to call it the 'wet bar of soap' situation. If you squeeze your hands together it slips out and so will he.
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (7 May 2007):
If your paranoia is so deep seated that you are personally powerless to help yourself, I would recommend couple's therapy.
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