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male
,
anonymous
writes: Sorry about the long question, but I've got to get some help with this. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now, and while we've had our ups and downs, recently we've been having an increase in arguments and fights, sometimes resulting in breaks or short break ups, where I pretty much beg to have her take me back. I know that most of our problems are through fault of my own, though I've been trying very hard to reduce problems in our relationship. We love each other very much, and we'd never willingly do anything to hurt each other, though recently I've been getting more and more tired each day. I know it's because of my job, being that I have to waken every morning at around 3:30am just to get to work on time. When I get home, I'm always exhausted, and want nothing more than a short nap, but my girlfriend will always be so excited to see me out of work, that I can't help but invite her over. Things are always wonderful during the day, it's just around 8:30 I start to lose track of myself and doze in and out of consciousness. She's now blaming herself and continuously asks me why I'm no longer interested, or why she's boring, things like that. No matter how much I try to tell her I'm tired due to work, she still blames herself. Help! What can I do to help this...I love her so much, I can't bear to lose her again, though I can't live if I hurt her again, either...what can I do? I used to try to figure things out for myself, since I find it hard to believe there are couples out there as happy as we used to be, but things are dwindling these days...I want things to go back to how they used to be, but without this job, there's no way we can afford the things we need, being that she's jobless right now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 Relationships aren't easy but they're all about compromise. If you just try a little harder to make her see you love her and ask her to cut you a little slack in return because you're tired from your new job but try to remember work isn't everything. I'm not saying you should neglect it completely, just be aware that other things matter too. Compromise is definitely the way forward here.
CD
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 i also want to add that i am appaled that when things are not right u dont blame each other but although both of u are trying to take responsibility of what went wrong blaming yourselves its not a way to go because in every unsatisfactory situation there should be a way forward which means your taking responsibility and see what can be done to rectify what went wrong, a wise one said bring up solutions not problems.
unfortunately the people we love are the ones we hurt the most because if they didnt care we wouldnt know that they dont approve of the way we do things. so you guys just find it in your hearts to forgive and forget what happens in the past and focus on what can make this relationship work as u have been given another chance to try.
if your girlfriend still doesnt understand how hard you have to work to make sure you guys can have something better at the end of the day, i think you are not just cut out for each other and dont blame yourself if it didnt work out for the two of you. just accept that you loved and lost but there is still hope for you. try and find another job if u can but dont leave this one before you do because not having one will also be a problem between the two of u in the future.
jovial
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (25 January 2007):
hi there
i am sorry about what is happening as specially because it is a very awkward situation indeed. this is something you cant resolve on your own no matter how big your love is for her. first of all she needs to understand that waking up at 3h30 is really not ideal, i dont know how many hours do you have to put in and the distance travelled as well as they can be adding more stress, if you dont mind how long have you been to this job? if its just a matter of days or weeks within acouple of months your body would have adjusted and to make things easier for you she need to help you adjust because pointing fingers at yourselves is not going to solve anything it will just push the disagreements way skyhigh and its not what u guys need right now.
try this i dont know if it will work but its worth trying when she is busy blaming herself agree with her obviously this will get her attention, then you will have the opportunity to explain why u think its her because you have created this predicamnet all together if she can be more understanding and more supportive of u it will be easy for u guys to figure out how you can spend time together, figure out a bed time for u so that u can have a bit if not enough rest.
it seems like you guys have come a long a way maybe this one also is just a phase that is passing by.find another way of improving intimacy on your relationship if u guys can bond emotionally it will be easy to tackle the physical bond.
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A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (25 January 2007):
I feel for you! I used to have horses and like yourself had to be up at the crack of dawn just to get to work on time, my relationship suffered as yours is and like yourself all i wanted to do do was have dinner and sleep!!!
It certainly is a vicious circle, However, you could try inviting her over a couple of nights a week instead ov every night, then your weekends will be free for all the loving she needs!
I personally think, that she needs to find an interest or hobby outside of your life, the gym maybe, this will inevitably structure her day and occupy the time that she is unable to spend with you. She does need to find herself a job, again she could occupy her time doing so. It appears to me that she is suffocating you, unintentionally I'm sure! it just seems she is so heavily reliant upon you.
With the hours that you are currently working and the pressure she is putting on you, Im suprised you haven't lost it.
Show her your add and the replies that you receive, this may just be the medicine she needs. You truly do love her that is clearly obvious, I just hope she takes on board that you do need to sleep at some point.
On the nights you dont see her make a concious effort to have dinner and get to bed early and when you do see her, make an effort to be awake and alive
Good Luck and Best Wishes to you both
Adelaide
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