A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so ive got myself in a bit of a jam. im 25 and have dated around a lot trying to find exactly what im looking for. I started dating a new girl about 3 months ago and a few red flags are up...I know she's not the girl for me. The problem becomes critical when she introduced me to her best friend...and im dumbstruck. her best friend seems like an almost perfect match. We clicked immediately and my gf sensed it and now fears her. I just got the ok to talk to best friend and weve been chatting about a interest we both have. most of our interests coincide. My gf told me she fears her and she even said if I had met her best friend first id be with her. Its plain my gf and I are over soon...but im afraid to go to her bf and inquire...I don't know if she feels the same way...and out of loyalty would she even say if she did? I think the best course is breaking with my gf and waiting a while to approach her bf...but you know how the heart is...it doesn't like to wait. Any thought on another route to this? lost in love soldier
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): Firstly, don't wait to dump the poor girl, just do it, atleast spare some of her feelings as it sounds like she's fallen for you a lot harder than you had for her.
Secondly, it sounds like you don't know this friend very well, so it must come down to looks, you've romanticized the rest and called it love. There's probably a million girls out there better suited for you & you won't have to destroy some poor girl trying to get them. The other poster has said you must be a nice guy because you asked the question, but the only question you're asking is how to satisfy your needs. Have a little empathy. If I were you, I'd dump the girl, stay as far as I can from the best friend as start the search a fresh, because if she was 'the one' & it was 'meant to be' you wouldn't be in this situation now.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (29 September 2012):
So, the best friend is a lot more attractive than your girlfriend?
It seems like this weird friendship dynamic between the two of them has been going on for awhile. Your girlfriend gets a boyfriend, who then ends up smitten with her best friend. Your girlfriend is afraid you are going to leave her for her beat friend. She has told you this!
If you care about this woman who you call your girlfriend at all, you will break up with her immediately instead of dragging out a dying relationship. Then, you will wait at least a few months before you try to pursue her best friend.
If you jump the gun and ask the best friend before you break up with your girlfriend, you run the risk of never having a chance with her. If these girls are genuine best friends they are close...like sisters...and pretty loyal to one another. I seriously doubt any true best friend would consider dating her best friend's ex until an appropriate amount of time had passed.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 You are in a situation here i can see! I agree you indeed need to end the relationship with your girlfriend if you really believe she is not the one. But I don't think you should be asking her best friend out at least not anytime soon. You wouldn't want to take her best friend away after only just breaking her heart.
You seem like a nice guy for asking the question and i believe in the end you will do what is best.
Kelly
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): Depends on the best friend really doesn't it.. I had a lot of males try and use my friend as a way to get in our group to talk to me.. It never worked.. As I would never date a best friends boyfriend, simple as. And I was already taken, got engaged at 18teen, and still with him.. . You may find yourself friend zoned..
Why would you want to come between two friends anyway, your an adult not a teenage boy?
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