A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you make someone love themselves? I don't suppose you can MAKE them - but maybe some support that would actually help? I have been friends with this girl for going on 11 years now. Her parents were abusive and always talked down on her, and they are still that way. If her parents call her "stupid" or "worthless" she takes it as a fact. Now she's in a relationship with this guy who doesn't treat her well - at all. He tells her how "stupid" she is, and how "she can't do anything right." And to her it's fact. But it's not! She is a wonderful person when she lets herself be. She just puts so much weight on what everyone else says. I tell her that she's an amazing person, she asks - "why am I so worthless that no one can love me?" :( It makes me very sad, because I love her, but I'm just a friend. Not her parents or her boyfriend - so what I think doesn't matter as much as what they think I suppose. Is there anything I can do that can help my friend? I wish she would leave her boyfriend, but she won't. Unless she gets a super-boost of self-confidence and realizes she deserves better then she will probably stay with him no matter what he does. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): Since her parents have been verbally abusive, it is behavior that is ingrained in her. Once someone says something enough, you start to believe it. Your friend suffers from low self-worth because of the abuse and doesn't think she is worth having a guy who loves her, which is why she is with a jerk now. Continue to be supportive and there for her if she needs to talk. You could try suggesting talking to a psychiatrist or some kind of professional, but she has to be willing to get help. I know how much it hurts to see a friend go through this, since I have a friend like yours. Be there for her, try to go shopping or see a movie if she is feeling down. Just by posting your concerns shows that you're a great friend and she is very lucky to have you in her life.
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