A
female
age
36-40,
*ustme2011
writes:Ok, here's the thing. My fiancee and I have been together on and off for 4 years. we have a 1 year old and I have a 6 year old. My fiancee has a problem with parenting. He wants to be dad when its convenient for him. dont get me wrong, he is a good dad to our daughter. He likes to go out with his friends once a month and thats fine, but im stuck at home with the kids. The second I mention going out with the girls he says that I need to find a baby sitter. Am I wrong for getting mad with him? He acts like my needs arent important and that the 2 days a month that he has to babysit while i work is killing him. If we cant come to an agreement then the wedding is off because he's not marrying just me here.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 It's not called "babysitting" it's called "parenting." Somehow he doesn't sound like the type who will change after the wedding, all other things equal. You are quite right to identify this as a potential deal breaker. Sort it out and make sure he's able to deal with both children as a fully-involved parent before you tie the knot.
A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I would say it means he is extremely vexed by baby sitting longer than brief periods. That probably won't change overnight. It's worth it to ask exactly how it makes him feel, and what "might" be done to make him more at ease.
I enjoy baby sitting in small doses, with one baby. When it's older kids or more than one it can be overwhelming. Even men who really want to be Dad's, sometimes have surprising limitations and lack of patience for it.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (3 January 2011):
 The two of you must sit down and have an honest talk. Something is eating at him that is the reason why he won't look after your daughter when you're out. Maybe deep down he's afraid he'll screw up or something? Or maybe he's just not "daddy" material. Regardless, you have to get everything out in the open and realize each others' feelings.
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A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (3 January 2011):
He has a serious problem those kids are his kids as well. Especially when you guys get married. He needs a wake up call. Maybe you guys needs counseling first. This is seriously bothering me. He not the babysitter he is the "father" period. Its his job to take care and watch them while you at work or whatever, if he had a problem with that he need not get married.You should be questioning this behavior as well. really consider this attitude, cuz its not going to change just cause you married.Do me a favor when he goes out next time tell him he needs to find a baby sitter. See what he say.This is craziness, and a lot of men are doing that these days refuse to stay home with their own kids. He needs to grow up with this childish behavior.You right sweetie he is not just marrying you.
Good luck
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