| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Not necesarily a question but a cry for help. I'm so mad. My sister got a job a this great company and they are still hiring people. I'm unemployed so I applied for a job there and got an interview. I canceled it and rescheduled because I didn't felt prepared enough and now my family is judging me. I didn't think they will call me for an interview because the 99.99% of my resumes go unnoticed and I applied for a job I really don't know much about bacause it was the only thinng available. I'm relying on the internet to learn. I'm mad because my family don't understand I've been through a lot and can't concentrate and be positive all of a sudden. I have been through a recent break-up (the first real breakup in my life) suddenly realized my friends were only his friends and now I have none, feeling very lonely and unemployed for a long time. I've been in a depressive mood lately. I can't concentrate and it is difficult for me to review the interview questions I might be asked and come up with positive answers. You can't be all energetic and positive at a job interview when you are feeling so down. My mind is not as sharp as when you get out of college and/or you are working. My sister and mother are talking about me like I'm wrong for being careful (rescheduling) and they think I'm in fear and it makes me mad. I won't tell them my true feelings because they don't care about them. They are the type that says: 'well you have to snap out of it and just get on with your life'. Yes, if it was like that there would be no psychiatrists or psychologists. It's like a very cynical thing to say. I'm not going through the day talking about my problems and looking all depressed. In front of them (my family) I'm like a clown, smiling outside and crying on the inside. So why wouldn't they just listen and understand? It's like they don't have respect for what I'm going through. Makes you feel like what you are feeling is wrong and abnormal and nobody in pain wants to hear that. Of course my mother and sister don't understand, they both married their first boyfriend. My sister is calling my mom and telling her how easy it was for her to get the job and I feel that if I don't get it they'll say it was my fault because 'all the managers at that company are soooo willing to help everyone'. Like there's a new and shiny job for all the 250 people I saw the other day trying to apply for the only 21 positions available. The thing that bothers me the most is that my sister is the one who have always been succesful in getting the good jobs and growing professionaly. She is the one who married young, who got a job before finishing college and who at my age had 2 kids. And here I am, more than 30 yrs old and still living with my parents and, jobless for more than a year, indebted, alone, w/o kids and have to keep up with all their crap. My last interview went very good because I studied a lot. I didn't got the job for being overqualified but at least I made a good impression and I feel good about it. My mom argues with me b/c she thinks that by only being positive and believing for the job I should go unprepared for it to the interview and get it. What does she knows? She has never been interviewed in her life.My sister returns home tommorow from her training and I really don't want to see her or talk to her because she is always giving me advice as if I wouldn't know what to do. Last month she said that those who are working already are the ones who get the best jobs. What? Are u kidding me? That means she thinks I don't have a job b/c I don't want to. See why I'm mad?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 This is going to be a difficult transition for you. First, stop placing blame. I will tell you with your last comment what she meant by that, and as a previous manager it is somewhat true. The ones who are working, it's easier for them to make a change because they have history and stability in the workplace to bring to the interview. If you were a stay at home person, or a student with that long of a gap in employment, list that as a job, so you can explain the period you weren't working.You talk a lot about your sister and her success. Your mother and her marriage. STOP. You're not them, it's time for you to pick your own path and develop your own successes. I'm sorry your relationship ended, I know it's hard, I've been through break ups, but it's time you take ownership over yourself. You are the one who chooses your reaction to everything that happens to you. When you get mad, is that a reaction its self or a choice to something that happened? I know you are hurt. Being hurt is a feeling, but how we deal with the hurt is a choice. Just because you are in this transition, doesn't make you a failure. Every thing you have talked about in your questions, none of it makes you a failure. It simply means your having a difficult time adjusting to this change.Here's what I think you should do. First tell your family you have some things to work on, if you need their help you will ask for it, not to be rude, but when people judge, it slows down those who are trying to accomplish something. Second write down where you would like to be in 3 months, six months one year, five year. After doing that, and don't put to find a man, these are personal achievements not relationship based, list want the requirements are for reaching each area, then break them up into manageable, obtainable daily activities. Now remember this is about building you as a person, It can include anything you want, as long as it directly benefited you, and not based on pleasing someone else.You sound like a real caring person, I wish you a wonderful future. Take care.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (21 September 2007):
You need to lose your negative attitude. Go there and do your best on that one day. Don't think of prior problems. Don't think of tomorrow's problems. Just work on the hear and now. After they make their decision you can decide what to do next.
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A
male
reader, PrestonA90 +, writes (20 September 2007):
Going on anti depressants will help, hanging out with a new crowd and taking your vitamins preferably B vitamins. And maybe someday you 2 will get back together. Trust me I know how you feel all you do is probably keep thinking about why the break up happened and are trying to go back in your memory and see who's fault it was. This will take some time to overcome eventually your life will get back on track trust me
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