A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Been with my partner now for 2 years and it's coming out That my family such as aunties and uncles do not like him. I come from a close family so we tend to do things all together, however we did not get to attend Easter as they refused to welcome him into the house. While I shouldn't care about what they think, I cannot help but feel down and upset that they keep informing me that they hate him. It feels that as I get older, I'm going to drift from my family due to their feelings. And I wanted them to be just welcome him and keep their opinions to themself. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2019): Background info: it's my auntie and uncle who have expressed that "he's a f***y" only meeting him once. My parents seem to like him. I'll admit, he has a particular sense of humour and enjoys factual things which he will share. This is why I think my auntie doesn't like him, bevause he's a little more intellectual that her. She did not welcome him at Easter so we missed that family event, causing tension. I wish they wouldn't tell me all the time because it gets me down
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2019): You give no background or details about any of this. People have a reason for disliking other people. You were careful not to mention why they don't like him; often that's an indication there may be some justification behind it.
Is he of a different race, religion, or culture? Does he have a criminal background? Does he project the bad-boy rebel without a cause image? Does he have a college education and/or a full-time job?
Your family doesn't have to like your boyfriend. You chose him!
In the majority of cases, young women your age make poor decisions and choices until they know better. If that many people in the family see something wrong with your boyfriend they are either right, or a group of bigots. I can only presume, were that the case, you would have said so. They don't like him. Why? If they go as far as to let you know they don't care for him, they've also given you their reasons why.
If you say you are a close family, then it's coming from protective-love.
They may see things in him, or know things about him, that you've chosen to just overlook.
How do your parents feel about him? They weren't mentioned, because they have probably decided to remain neutral. When parents openly display their dislike or disapproval of a boyfriend; it drives their daughter closer to him. Then it comes down to her having to prove to them they're wrong. You'll become defensive, and he will encourage you to take his side. As a result, they might even pretend they like him; and secretly hate his guts!
At this point, my opinion is pure conjecture. It's not void of wisdom. However, you left-out all the details. I'm quite sure it was done intentionally. OP's sometimes wait to see what kind of response they'll get; then throw in some details, or contrive a story that supports their position on the matter. To sway or manipulate our responses. I've been at this a long-time.
It is better to seek pure and honest wisdom; than to pursue only what you want to hear, my dear!
Which are they? Being protective, or are they bigots? We have only your word to go by; but experience has taught me that most families are protective and loving. When they see trouble or scandal about to enter the family; they might intervene, although they know it's useless to bother. If they don't like him, they don't have to pretend to. It's better to be honest, but they should be respectful and treat him with human decency. He hasn't done anything to them; so if they are deliberately and overtly rude to him, the indicator swings towards bigotry!
If this is about racial bigotry; then it's none of their business. Being of biracial-heritage myself; I've been down that road, where family-members are resistant. They did come-around completely, and the blending and bonding did occur.
If this is the typical story of the bum who has stolen the heart of an inexperienced and rebellious girl from a sheltered -background; then it is likely they are trying to save you from a bad choice. Without details, you're looking for people to be on your side; and to advise you to be independent and stand by your man. What if your uncles and aunts are all correct?
If they are correct; out of pride, you will hide your suffering and endure abuse in secret. You will be detached from family-support, and he will become the center of your universe. Your brain will shut-down, and he will assume master-control. You will become submissive and isolated.
I'm cautious. Your family isn't here to tell their side; and it's about your boyfriend. You're naturally biased and protective. For all we know, your family is desperately trying to protect you from him and yourself.
If people come into your life that force you to have to separate from the people who share your DNA; and those who love you unconditionally. They better be damned well worth it! Cutting ties with a close-nit and loving family over a guy usually doesn't have a happy ending. Bear this in-mind. He's a boyfriend, not your husband. Separating from family over him would be an extreme move.
You're an adult now. You can make your own decisions. You also get to deal with the consequences.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (13 July 2019):
 I am assuming you know WHY they don't like him, even though you don't say. After all, you are a close family so I have to assume you would not ask why when they informed you they hate him.
As you have been together two years, I also have to make the assumption that they are basing their dislike of him on what they have seen/learned about him.
Unless there is something sinister going on, it would be unusual for so many to take a dislike to someone without good reason. As your family, they are probably trying to protect you. Where are your parents in all this? Do THEY like your partner?
If you do not know why they don't like him, and they refuse to say, then perhaps you just have to accept that you are old enough to stand on your own feet and stand apart from your family so you can do your own thing. Sometimes being an adult means we have to cut ties.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): Well it is good you have his back.I really hate when families act like this.You are the one who is with him not them.My husband's family hates me.They think they are hurting me by excluding me and telling fake gossip behind my back.But I know what they are up to because they cannot hide it.The only person they are really hurting is my husband..the one they say they love.I could care less about those haters maybe actually pity them a bit.Their lives suck so bad that they must gossip and lie about others to feel good about themselves.They always said we would divorce..married 40 years now they never learn. The best part was moving across the country...they cry I stole him away from them.No really it was his idea because they killed any love he had for them by their actions.We are still very happy and always will be .Just live your life for you and forget all the haters.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2019): Why do they hate him? Is he difficult to like or is youf family exhibiting a prejudice towards him?
Its difficult to give you advice about which way to sway because you haven't given us much information about what the cause of the hate is but it's safe to say that if your family 'hate' him, then you will have to chose between them.
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