A
female
age
26-29,
*oscared..
writes:i am 14 almost 15 and i'm 26 weeks pregnant with twins..i am super happy and so is my boyfriend and his family..my family on the other hand..i'm thinkin..not so much..i can see why they are upset/disappointed but right now all i need is support..i stayed and lived with my family because i figured it would be the best thing to do i would have my mommy and my step dad and my brothers around me.. and my biological father right down the street if i needed them..they let me stay here but since i told them i was pregnant at about 14 or 15 weeks along they have been acting as if i don't exist..i was staying here for the emotional support but since this it seems to be more of an emotional toll on me..the only person that will talk to me are my two younger brothers.. and that's only because 13yr old brother is best friends with my boyfriend and knew him before i did and is happy for us.. and my 5yr old brother because hes 5 and has no clue what's going on..i'm starting to wonder if i should take the offer of moving in with my boyfriend and his family it may be across town but i will have support there for me and people to talk to..i am the biggest mommas girl ever..but this is killing me to see her and the rest of my family pretty much reject me and my two daughters..what should i do? please help me..
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2011):
 See ? Told ya. Have you ever seen any episode of "16 and pregnant " ? Everybody is freaking out there too, and those girls are 16. You are FOURTEEN and pregnant, and there is something shocking in that, I don't mean it in a mean way, but yeah it's kind of weird, and worrisome , and I dare any sensible parent or older brother to not be concerned and not hit the roof.
All in all you got a pretty standard initial reaction, and since you never mentioned having being pressured for abortion or adoption, I take it they did not, and only that per se is VERY supportive, considering that ,whether they like it or not,they'll have to be around for you and your babies- more than you foresee right now.
Your relatives told you ,and SHOWED you, they love you - so now wise up and...don't push your luck, OK ?:)
A
female
reader, soscared.. +, writes (26 December 2011):
soscared.. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmerry Xmas to you too:) well i think christmas was just bout the best thing ever..things look like there on there way to getting back to normal (as normal as they can be for this situation) my 5yr old brother got up crazy early like normal and woke up everyone in the house..i was expecting for nothing to get said to me as normal..1st thing when i get to the living room my mom comes up to me and gives me a big hug and tells me she loves me..i had a huge smile on my face..i was also expecting not to get anything for christmas but when i looked under the tree my stocking was there and filled..all the kids including me sat on the floor while the older brothers pasted out presents..we all started looking in our stockings..one of the first things i pulled out was 2 little onses that said cute as a button on them..everything i got was for the babies which is fine with me..(: later on in the night my older brothers pulled me aside to talk to me and they told me they loved me and they weren't just how to take it..they said all they knew for sure was that they wanted to beat up my boyfriend..i'm just glad everything is getting better..i will NOT be moving in with my boyfriend
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 December 2011):
No sweetheart it does not sound like you really understand in which position you have put yourself and your family. So, no money ( or not much ) is involved YET ( we'll see later ) : Ok, good, but it's not about money.
I don't want to feel like I am bullying a pregnant teen, on Xmas day too !, so first of all : don't be sad , be happy. You did receive a special blessing, a twin blessing:) - you have much to rejoice.
But, you seem to think more like an unsatisfied hotel customer than like a daughter : " they don't treat me to my standards here, then I'll move ". Your mom maybe right now can't treat you to your standards, because she is just human, she is not one of those perfect , handle everything in stride, sitcom moms. She is a real life mum, so as such, she is probably angry. Mostly at herself too. Maybe she blames herself and questions her parenting skills and she feels like shit :" If I had taught her right... if I had been more attentive.. if I had given her less freedom... etc. etc ". Maybe she is embarassed too, for all you know her relatives friends and acquaintances are wagging her tongues or being critical because of your exploits and she should NOT care in theory... but, being human and fallible ,she does in practice. Maybe she is scared shitless, as scared as you are in fact more , that something maybe go wrong,as I found out one can be impavid for herself but she is always chicken and a worrywart for her kids. Maybe she is devastated that you have go trough such a difficult time and a grown up experience at an age when other girls are still playing with their Barbies ( well, not really, lol ! let's say ,crushing on Justin Bieber :)
The gist is that - when you got pregnant your mom took an emotional beating and if she is not recovering fast enough, I suspect it is precisely because she cares a lot , she loves you and she worries about you- and that makes it much harder to be all casual and carefree . " Ah well, my 14 y.o. kid is pregnant with twins, hey this shit happens, she won't be either the first or the last ". THAT would be the attitude of someone who does NOT give a damn, do you get it ? Someone who DOES care will act and react weird- as your mum is doing.
Again , time and patience. Mutual :)
If you feel bad, though, what stops you from talking to your mom ? from just telling her " Look I know that it was MY idea if I am in this situation, but I need a hug. I am a daughter, and I want to hug my mom ". Yes I know that SHE is the mature one and she is the one who should bring the walls down etc.- ...there are no " shoulds". Do what will work. In this case, take the first step.
Merry Xmas
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A
female
reader, soscared.. +, writes (24 December 2011):
soscared.. is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do realize i put my self in a hard position and that's it's not always about me but i just really want some support..or for my mom just to tell me she loves me still would mean the world to me..my room, the place that's suppose to be my relaxing place feels like my cave..i wake up go to school then go to work then go home and go to my room I'll come out for dinner and go back in my room..i'm trying my hardest to show my commitment to everything school and all..i've already started off at another school so i'm not only going to one school but two..this school is made to help teen moms and dads..i've started working on stuff for the next semester of school because that is probably what i will miss most if not all of...my family has paid out absolutely no money for my babies..my boyfriend and have taken care of everything so far..on our own..not using his parents money either..he has picked up a second job to help prepare us for when the babies are born. the only thing we will not be taking care of that way is the actual birth of the twins..when we found out i was pregnant they offered to pay for it and then when we found out i was having twins they pretty much told us they were going to
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 December 2011):
You must realize that the situation you got yourself in in at 14 is a very, very bitter morsel to swallow for any parent. They are still sort of in shock ,they are still angry and hurt. And worried sick. They WILL be happy when the twins arrive, I promise you, but don't be surprised or offended if your Mom and stepdad haven't precessed the news yet , they can't be just all happy and excited : It's a big change for them-psychologically and in practical terms ( maybe financial too, if they have to help out ) and they are having understandable trouble dealing with it.
If you are old enough to have babies, you are also old enough to show maturity,tact and compassion, and understand it's not all about you you you . You need emotional support, for the choice you have done- ..and who is supporting your mom , for a choice that she has NOT done and has just been foisted on her ?
A bit of patience on both sides, and everything will be back to normal. A mom can be mad to her teen daughter... but I have never ever seen a grandma mad at her twin nieces :) She 'll be moved and overjoyed, just give her time.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (24 December 2011):
If you think that his family will be more supportive, then that's a reasonable solution.I'm guessing that you've decided to keep the twins and raise them, rather than putting them up for adoption. Is that right? So I'll just take a guess here about why your family is behaving the way they are. Your mother has you, a 13 year-old, and a five-year old to raise already. And now you are going to present her with twins. Oh, I know you'll say that you'll be a mother, you'll take care of them, etc. And your mother knows that that is simply not the case. A 15 year-old girl isn't up to being a mother of twins. No way, no how. Even if you manage to give up your childhood, your adolescence, you still won't be able to cope. And let's get real here -- after a while you're going to resent the fact that you can't go out and have fun time with your friends, and your mother is going to be left with the babies. So guess what -- she's not keen to take that on.So you move in with your boyfriend's family, and you leave them to care for twins. And see how long it is before that family isn't thrilled either.The best thing you can do is to give these babies up for adoption. It's the best thing for them, and it's certainly the best thing for you. It gives you a chance back at having the sort of life you ought to have.
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (24 December 2011):
 It may be best to live with your boyfriend's family at least try it. You do not need stress at a time like this. Best of luck and happy holidays!
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A
female
reader, missy123456 +, writes (24 December 2011):
They wont talk to you, cause they are angry at you for the decisions that you have made. IT is probably to hard for them to accept what you have done. Just as your kids are a part of you, you are a part of them. Yes you need support right now, and it is understandable where you are coming from. But part of being an adult is understanding where the other side is coming from. You have to understand what you took away from them. That is the opportunity to have a daughter that goes through normal high school stuff, prom, dating, graduation, college acceptance, graduation, job offers, marriage proposal followed by finance acceptance, walking down the aisle and the bliss in upcoming grandchildren. That all has been taken away. You seem smart enough to realize that you are about to endure a huge change a change that you will need lots of help in; had you been older then you would most likely not need that much help. You see they know this too. This will be a burden on them too no matter how much they love you and your children. Instead of leaving and focusing now on what you are not getting, you need to realize that you have something important right now, that is shelter. That is one benefit that you have for sure, if you leave, nothing guarantees you, that in the other house will be better, they will probably kick you out, if they tire of you. Focus right now on what you can do to better your future now before the kids come, and you have to find any means for child care. There are tons of vocational programs, some are free depending on situation, look within your local government, at the same time try to do anything towards high school graduation. So that if anyone kicks you out in the future you would now have a diploma and skills to maintain your survival. MAybe once your family sees your commitment to better your future they will come around and show you tons of love and support, which you will definitely need once those kids are born. It will be the hardest challenge you will deal with
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