A
male
age
41-50,
*ove heart 777
writes:I went out with this lovely girl for a short time November 06 but after 6 days she panicked and wanted out of the relationship. She went out with another guy 2 weeks later which was hard for me but then dumped him 1 month later and went through a tough winter herself.We kept in touch as casual friends and met up every 4 months, then this October she texted me more and we met up more often. One time we met up, she cried at being neglectful of me last year then wanted to get back with me this year, which we did, October 07.I seemed to stir up baggage from previous relationships, and was now was scared of being trapped in our relationship but despite all her insecurities and letters of doubt about us now, I was loving, communicative, patient, understanding and supportive and just there for her because I love her. She was going through her exams then her gran died. Then she ended it with me again, this time by email, we met up a few days later and we had a long hug and talk She feels she cant commit and share her life the way I can for the next 4 years, so she says, and wants to explore, travel on her own before ever sharing that with a partner although she still loves me and signs all her texts and emails with "love." I am 15 years older than her, but when we were together we really clicked, which she observed also.How should I play out this situation now, and what is best to do?
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reader, Love heart 777 +, writes (11 January 2008):
Love heart 777 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is actually 22, got my maths wrong :-)
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Just one question... If you are 15 years older than her ai assume your age range of 26-29 is wonrg? That would make her 14?
Whether right or wrong sounds to me that she's got issues and insecurities. I'd say from the sounds of it she really isn't ready to be in a relationship.
It also sounds like you've been off and on and never really got started. The fact she left after 6 days then you saw each other every 4 months, then within a month of dumping another guy she got in touch says to me "rebound".
I might be wrong but sounds like she's been using you to me and not ready to settle down. If I were you I'd cut all ties with her. I was in a volatile relationship but sound to me like you had no relatonship at all.
"She feels she cant commit and share her life the way I can for the next 4 years, so she says, and wants to explore, travel on her own before ever sharing that with a partner although she still loves me and signs all her texts and emails with "love".
Seems a bit quick to be love doesn't it?
I say get rid and move on. Find someone else who is ready for a relationship. She wants to travel and what about not being able to commit for 4 years? Is she off to University/College? If so it simply won't last. Well, it might, but highly unlikely.
You'll have to deal with the fact she's going to be out partying with her new student friends and meeting loads of new people. Can you handle that?
THe fact she ditche dyou by email reminds me of my EX. We split up 2 months ago and she was 18. At one point she sent me an email following a row saying she thought it were best it was over etc. At the end of the day she's not mature enough.
Who dumps someone by text/email? I found with the relationship with my EX she communicated more by text and rarely email more frequently than by phone or when we were physically together. And we were physically together almost every minute I wasn't at work.
Funnily enough, my EX was under a lot of pressure during her exams last spring/summer but I put up with her behaviour knowing that it must've been tough and backed off and let her get on with it. I'd never forgive myself if I got in the way of her dream.
Things got worse then better.
Similarly her nan passed away in the Autumn time and again we went through a really rough time. I stuck by her, was there for her and hoped we'd get through it. In the end a few months later (2 months ago now) I left her.
I couldn't handle the jealousy, possesiveness and insecurities any longer. The angry outbursts about nothing did my head in and I got the feeling she no longer wanted it. Her previous boyfriends had cheated on her and she took it out on me even though I've NEVER cheated on ANYONE EVER. I'd rather leav a bad relationship and get over it before I move on.
The fact I was single for 5 years, yeah I dated and "saw" girls during that time, but never committed shows I'm not scared to be on my own. I was committed to her but she wasn't ready and had "baggage from previous realtionships" as you put it.
In the end she put nothing into the relationship anymore, I took the hint and didn't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.
I suspect she has bi-polar/borderline personailty disorder as I've been talking to counsellers about the effect the volatile and intense relationship had on me. Look it up in google and see what you think... I'm NOT saying this is the reason for your EX being the way she is but it's a possiblity.
On the other hand she might just need to grow up.
At this stage, I'd either a) get out; or b) just be friends and nothing more. Give her some time and if you're meant to be, you're meant to be.
However, if you go route b) just how long are you prepared to wait?
Whatever you do it's up to you. If you do decide to leave it I've written an article on how I've been dealing with the loss of the realtionship, and what I've learnt and it seems to work for me. Take a look:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Best of luck
p.s. I hope this isn;t the same girl LOL
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